March 12, 2002

• Good morning….

  
  

  The weather outside is frightful, but inside so delightful…

  
  

  Let it slush, Let it slush, let it slush.

  
  

  Okay so it doesn’t have quite the right ring to it huh.  It is downpouring AGAIN…but this time its half snow-half rain.  (slushing)  And can we all say EWWWWWWWWWW

  
  

  My poor dh is really struggling with his attitude this morning.  He had made plans with my brother to go bike riding…but has no desire to swim in this weather in full biking gear.      Its so hard for them to get there days off together etc, etc…and now he doesn’t get to play.  

  
  

  We did ALL go grocery shopping together, and the kids did VERY well.  Samuel lost his “privledge” of riding on the jeep outside the grocery store…but not because he was very bad…just because he would NOT stop jabbering.  As I keep telling him I love to talk and visit with him.  I have little patience however for him going yabayabadododede blalbal skeipoi over and over and over.   Noise for the sake of noise when one is trying to shop…can be very hard to deal with    So he got the proper amount of warnings and lost the privledge of the jeep.  He was very very sad about it….and hopefully will remember mommy actually means it when she says SHHH!   Not holding my breath on that.

  
  

  I had contractions all day yesterday I spent over an hour in the tub riding them out.  I’m so glad Rob was home and I could do that.  I had them on our so-called date night, and they just drug  on & on.   Needless to say I wasn’t the most inspiring company last night.   One more week and 2 days……….Tonia says to herself as a mantra.

  
  

  Had frustrating news yesterday from James caseworker.  and I WILL be calling him James.  I WILL.  I can’t slip into the habit of using his real name.  And if you notice some blogs go missing…I’m probably gonna be making some private to protect him as soon as I get time. 

  
  

  The last parental rights visit in front of the judge was last week.  The birthmom has NOT showed up to any of them.  She has never showed up to any of them in the past.  But she showed up to this one.  Sooooooooooooooo   the finalization processed just got slowed down greatly.   I struggle so hard with attitude in regards to this.  I KNOW I should feel sorry for her and her addiction to drugs, etc, etc.    But she’s messing with MY kids…and that brings the mommy bear out in me.  We had to agree to send pictures/letters every so often.  And if the mom gets demanding enough we may have to agree to an occasional visit.  The pictures I have NO problem with.  The visit offends both of us greatly.  She has 9 other kids…the only one she wants to see is James.    How the heck do I explain this to my children?     What the heck is this gonna do to James when/if he sees her again.    

  
  

  The good news is…my adoption caseworker has ASSURED me…that rarely do birthmoms actually show up for the visits.  And as the adoptive parent we have the right to say where the visit will occur.  And if she doesn’t show…we have the right to say..NO MORE trys.  Soooooooo she said set the visit some place far away from your home…(we do NOT want her to know where we live or even the vicinity we live)  and make it hard to get to  

  
  

  If we do have to do this.  We will probably leave the big kids at my moms…so not to add stress to their lives.  And we will NOT tell James what is going on (even though he’s a baby now)  unless we actually see the lights of the birthmoms eyes.  I do NOT want to set him up for repeated disappointment.  He’s had such a stinking hard life already he does not need to be frustrated with his birth mom.

  
  

  Now I WILL keep a record etc of her attempts at visits…so when he’s older I will be honest and say this & this was tried and did not happen…so he knows she was semi-intrested….but he doesn’t need to know now.   Poor guy.

  
  

  I’m hoping to paint the chimney today…if the roller will work on it.  When I’m done I’ll do the before/after pictures.  Have them all ready.  If the roller doesn’t work…Rob’s gonna have to paint and HE HATES painting.  But I can NOT climb on a ladder right now…with the roller I can use the extended handle.  And do everything from the floor.   

  
  

  That is I’ll be painting if the contractions stay away.

  
  

  I’m sorry I haven’t been commenting on most people’s blogs.  I have had very little patience for sitting at the computer lately.  Plus my kids have been quite demanding.    I am reading and enjoying everybody’s blogs however.  And hope to get back in the habit soon…

  
  

  Father God, I give you the stress in my life.  And the fact that we’re housebound in the rain today.  Please let me breathe and not stress out by all the demands that are made on me today.  In your sons name, Amen

  • 11:14 am
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