I'm feeling rather schizophrenic right now. Its been a rough week. Its been the wrong time of the month, and my tolerance for shenanigains has been less then steallar. On top of that a child when she did something incredibly stupid was confronted and I told her "You need to find what you lost, or your life is going to become very very difficult." She started crying, and very very quietly as she had company I told her "You need to suck it up, and find what you lost." She turned and looked at me and said "You need to suck it up."
I've been angry every since. She apologized. But the respect level is gone. Every time I ask her to do something she stiffens up and 95% of the time she tells me no. Not screams it, says it in this quietly stubborn voice. Typically I can stare her down and she gets up and does it anyhow. But, I know if I ask her to do something there will be a fight...pretty much every time. People will say she's 15, she's a teenager, she's a girl. I say she's disrespectful, and I am one short step from completely failing her. I've been told to put her on medication...something we continue to resist. And counseling that I would be willing to consider is 3 hours away. I will NOT do non-Christian counselling. I have a very very strong opinion about this. So we continue to stumble in the dark.
On top of that I'm loosing my husband for a week as he's going to camp. So no fall-back plan when I'm ready to ring said childs neck.
And on top of that, the person who was supposed to bring my children back from camp got that back 2.5 hours late. I texted her asking her where she was at an hour late. There was no response. She tried to tell me at 2.5 hours late that "My texting wasn't working." There were 5 children in the car who could have used her phone to call and tell me what was going on. In my mind that excuse is just that, an excuse.
When I told her it was a matter of respect. She spouted back that "You didn't give me minute to minute updates when you took my child to camp. Its not necessary for me to do the same."
I responded, "No, I didn't, because we got her there on time, and as soon as we were there we texted you that she was safe." You were TWO and a HALF hours late without any word as to where you were, what was going on. I wanted to add and you were in cell reception for all but the last 30 minutes of that. I know, we ALL know where the bar zones are, and where they aren't. You stopped to get ice cream at an hour and a half late. You could have called then. But at that point I realized the friendship that has been dying is probably dead.
But really over this? Yes, over my childrens safety, and the fact that repeatedly you do not tell me when you are running late. You have a cell phone that you are on 24/7. It takes 30 seconds to send a text saying we are running late. If I know I'm fine. If you don't answer your texts, don't call, all I can assume is something bad has happened. And I'm not talking ten or fifteen minutes late which is fairly normal around here. I'm talking 2.5 hours...consistently.
The last time I watched her child I seriously considered calling the cops and reporting her as abandoning her child. She told me she would pick him up at 4:30 pm. At 7:30 she showed up with no apology, or anything. Just honked on the hill and had him run up.
So I have two warring angrys flowing through me. And on top of that a family of 8 that has helped hold our church of 35 together is leaving. Which leaves us with a congregation of 24...most of those children. And me feeling very very unworthy and unable to be the strong one. I just feel like a failure. Failed in parenting, Failed in friendship because I can't let go of something I don't think I should. Or am I wrong. I have NO answers, just questions.
Can I remain friends knowing she will disappear with my children or while I have her children and just have to hope at sometime she will reappear. Can I find some solutions to deal with my child when I have to ask her to do something in public.
Only with God carrying me kicking and screaming over this.
