December 16, 2007

• Circular Stair Case

  My dean at college once told me in a counselling session with her that life is a bit like a circular staircase.  Your going around in a circle slowing climbing upwards.  Every once and awhile you come back to the same view that you just saw, and you think "didn't I just deal with this?"  And yeah you did, but this time your a bit higher above it,and you see it from a slightly different view, you handle it differently cause you have matured, you just can't quite realize it yet.

  I like that analogy.

  Its been a long week.  The maple tree is gone to the maple buyer.  We will find out how much its worth when the check comes in the mail.  I guess we can be suprised.  We have several plans for it, and aren't allowing ourselves to dream or plan much until we see wether its worth anything at all. 

  The kids and I had a day of reckoning yesterday and are going to continue on this week, and a couple of the attitude problems we were dealing with are going to mellow out thank you very much. 

  I have had a stressful week.  I've been desperately sorting through a lot of crap, and just as I was starting to recover from that crap a whole nother passle was dumped on me yesterday from my so-called "best-friend" from high school.  I hung up on her.  

  She wanted me to believe something that I kept telling her "I'm sorry I refuse to get in the middle of this, I can't recognize the truth any more, and I think the whole argument is petty to begin with.  I can't choose." 

  She kept saying louder and louer.  "You have to believe me."

  And I kept trying to convince her, that our friendship wasn't based on this one little incident.  I finally asked her why she was  yelling at me about it, when the incident didn't involve me in any way.  And she just got louder.  "I said I'm sorry, I can't handle this."  And hung up.

  She hasn't called back.

  I don't know.  Its just par for the course, and after a night of wondering what to do about it I still have no solutions.  I do know that I have to set boundarys, cause I can't handle much more.  I have to have a focus.  My focus has to be my immediate family, and a good Christmas for all of us.  I can't be settling petty disputes about something that happened four months ago, that I thought was stupid back then, and told the offending party so. 

  Can I go move to a deserted island?  Please?

  Anyhow I have these words. 

  James 4: 17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. 18 And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.

  I was willing to yield that the conversation didn't matter to me.  I was willing to change the subject.  I asked her about her boys, her life, she never asked me about mine.  She was on a mission to change my mind about something I didn't care about.  ROFL   I have no idea what my responsibility in this is now.  Rob says absolutely nothing.  I'm determined to be a peacemaker, but not sure how I can do that when I don't care about the issue, and she does.  

  Can I move to a deserted island?  Of course I'd have to take my not-so-perfect angels with me, and then we'd have our own set of problems.  So I guess I'll keep trudging up my circular stair case, desperately hoping I'm making progress. 

  Update;  I screwed up my courage and called my friend.  She had mellowed overnight...and things are resolved.   I feel ready now to go to church and have communion, and celebrate my faith in the only Father who can never fail me. 

  • 11:54 am
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