April 19, 2006

  • Four years ago today I grew up.


    It was about twenty-five minutes after Rainee Grace was born, and I was told by the doctor she couldn't breathe, she had turned blue, had possible seizures, and they were going to fly her out to Seattle Childrens Hospital.


    It was when I was under the throws of stadol, and my husband was busy passed out due to the worst stomache flu he'd had in at least five years.   I was told this twenty-five minutes after I tried to hemorage out, and they had to call an ER doctor up to hold me together until the OB doctor showed.


    I was told the nurses would wheel my bed down to the nursery and I could say good-bye.  Rob was passed out.  My mom was busy getting ready to follow her to Seattle so she would be alone as little as possible.  I was truely alone for the first time in my life.  And...my daughter the child I had wanted very badly was dying.


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    It wasn't a good time.  And was the beginning of a long, scarey road that still has no happy ending.


    And yet four years later.  I have this beautiful shining girl.  She has had angels watching over her.  And three days ago she came up to me and said.  "When I am four you will no longer have a three-year-old-girl."   And I wanted to sob.  And yet rejoice.  Because God has allowed me the gift of raining grace for four beautiful, terrifying, and exhausting years.


    And you know what she's "almost" healthy.  This is the most healthy she's ever been on her birthday.  Last year she had a double ear infection, the previous two years on her birthday she was sleeping on oxygen.


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    She's my beautiful angel.  My gift from God.  She's still not healthy.  


    She still takes prevacid, atrovent, flovent, and singulair daily.  She still deals with rashes, and she still can't walk for more then 1/4 of a mile without having to stop because she can't breathe well.


    But man, she's way better then I ever thought she was.  And she is a true gift. 


    Happy Birthday Rainee Grace may you have many many more. 


     


     

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