Oh man,

Life is just...

*sigh*

I fully recognize that I have chronic fatigue.  And...I'm just frustrated.  I've known it for about four years.  No, I haven't gotten the diagnosis.  I just know it in my bones.

You can go on about me having six children, and home schooling, and having babies.  I *know* there is something not right with my body.

I shouldn't have to deal with the amount of chronic pain in my legs, feet, back, neck, shoulders etc.  I shouldn't have to cry when my husband bumps me certain ways.

And I shouldn't have to lay on the recliner chair or sit at the computer chair for two weeks because it is all I'm capable of doing.

And then i have a "good" day.  And I see everything that wasn't done for the previous two weeks, week, month, and I go rather insane.

Man, its a terrible cycle. 

My kids rooms haven't been truely cleaned since the last time I dug out of the fog.

What was that a week ago?

And EWWW!

I'm just...overwhelmed.  And swimming fast and getting no where.

I know some baby steps to take...like getting off sugar.  But...man that is beyond frustrating.

And yeah I could go to the doctor, but just not impressed with them.  There immediate response is "you have 6 kids"

Yeah I do.  But I do NO household chores.  Rob does the laundry, the dishes, the vaccuuming.  I am ONLY responsible for myself, and keeping the kids doing school.  And still I'm beyond exhausted I'm in no moving land.

So, stuff.  I recognize there's a problem, but I have no wisdom whatsoever.

I get bursts of energy, should I use them, or pace myself, or not use them.  Its all overwhelming.

I'm not writing this for hugs, or smiley faces.  I'm writing this trying to find a way out.  And I don't see one.

The truth is my husband is superb, and extremely patient.  He's a nurse, and his mother has chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia so he just deals.  But UGH.

and double UGH. 

"If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God who gives generously to all without finding fault."  James 1:4.  I'm looking for some of that right about now. 

Good morning

The game went well last night, even if Jeremiah wasn't impressed.  They one (their first time)  and Zeria made one of the 3 baskets.  The score was 6 to 4.  I like wins that are "just" wins.  I hate skunks.  Actually I think at the 1-2nd grade level keeping score is almost not good.  I'm torn on it.  LOL

It's a shame that its there last game, cause they've improved so much in just a month.  There was supposed to be a tourny this weekend, but now the high school state basketball tourny is at the same time, so it looks like the little guys are loosing a chance.

My kids were thrilled that they won, but ever so sad that its over.  They LOVED it.   And now there negotiating for t-ball.  *snicker*

And poor Sam, he and another boy made instant friends.  I never figured out who the other boys mom was, there was just too many people at the games.  He and K.C. hugged goodbye like 10x.  And Samuel literally cried in the car and again at home he's gonna miss K.C. so much.  I've seen K.C. in a restaurant, and I know who his sister is.  But argh I can't figure out who his parents are.  He was with grandparents that day.  So, Rob's gonna talk to his coworker today, and we're gonna play find the parents.  Samuel wants so badly to play with him again.  I guess I was counting on the tournament, and just kinda spaced this was the last one.  Its a small community, somebody will know who K.C. belongs to right? *snicker*

Oh, and Rob's coworker is the coach's wife, that's why we're going that route.  I've never seen two kids hit it off so quickly, and so firmly LOL.  My mom noticed it at the game she came to.  We can just see them tag-teaming in high school sports.  *eg*

Zeria has made several good friends who also go to our church.   The little boy that goes to our church was on the other team, and Sam likes to play with him some, but he's a bit quiet.   And Sam...can be slightly intimidating (read loud).  So, we shall investigate...and hope.  *grin*

Oh yes, and talk my husband into T-ball.  *giggles*

Whoever, or whatever idjiot told DH that the power just "never" went out out here anymore.  Is just that an IDJIOT.

We had another wind storm last night, and only got our power back about 2:00.

The good news is Rob had made breakfast the night before, so he didn't have to stand out in it to cook on the cookstove this time.

The bad news is...its just a long day without power.  LOL

And yeah I'm a wuss. 

We thought the bb game would be cancelled tonight due to the no power, but since its back on, so is the game.  I love this.  *Snicker*

So, life moves on. 

The wind was very messy.  The thing that impressed me most was this;

Although this was pretty messy too;  Especially as the cast iron bell that *was* in the middle of it is about ten feet away behind the tower thing.    Yeah, the wind was a powerful thing last night. 

Woooo  LONG day yesterday.

We left the house at 8:15 and got home at 4 pm.   The kids were extremely well behaved all things considered.  Although both Samuel and Jamari got to do a time-out in the van with dad in different stores.

It is actually more relaxing if we do that rather then let it spiral out of control, and was our game-plan from before we left the house.

So, lots of grocerys in the house, some Walmart stuffs, and a few Goodwill treasures.  The last time I was at my moms she walked me through how to rewire lamps.  I found a pretty one at Goodwill yesterday without a cord and had already picked up a couple kits at Walmart.  So, I now have a hanging light in the living room.  It was extremely easy, and I was very proud of myself when I was done.  The deal is there's NO overhead lighting in the living room.  And no wiring for it.  So, we needed to convert hanging lamps to a cord.  And I did--two of them actually.  One is just a lampshade that I made into a light.  I found a beautiful shade at Walmart on Clearance. 

So, now our living room is lit--well it will be when I find a second hook for hanging the second fixture.  LOL

And I feel rather empowered having learned a new skill.  *snicker*

It was actually a blast, and I hope to do two wall sconces for our bedrooms to hang on the walls, after I get two more kits.  *grin*

Other then that it was just a long day, and I'm feeling the after effects of it this morning.  LOL.

Good morning

Had a good day yesterday, which means today is business LOL

We took the kids out to the Makah Museum, and let them explore the tribe we live with.   The reservation is actually seventeen miles away, but many of the natives live here in this town.  The kids coach, and wife are Makah, as are many of there team mates.  So, it was time.

The kids loved it, and are all drawing Indian artwork and have been for the last twenty-four hours.  Zeria very much identifys with the Indians cause they are "her" color. 

Due to the huge rain in this area, the natives did not live in the tee-pee's that entirely too many picture associate with natives.  Instead they built huge cedar longhouses where familys shared living space.  It was fun to look at...since I write a charrie who lives in a Norse longhouse.  I soooooo wish I could let somebody tour it, she would get some great inspiration.  *grin*

We were able to wander around the house, see the electric fires set up to assimilate real, and peak out the windows at what the view would be.   We also got to see other stuff, like the whale that the Makah killed in 2002 or 3 I can't remember now.  LOL.  It is part of their original treaty that they have whaling rights.  And they've spent a lot of time fighting for there rights...and currently are loosing again.

Anyhow it was intresting.  After that we headed out to our favorite Neah Bay beach, and just bummed around.  We walked the full length of the beach between the river and a small headland.  We climbed part of the headland and watched the tide pools.   And stayed until we were ice cubeys.  It tried snowing on the way home after all.  LOL

I didn't take a lot of pictures (none were allowed in the museum)  and I was having too much fun just enjoying.  But I do have one or two.  LOL

There's one of the small tide-pools.  And the next picture is the two biggest getting entirely too brave.  I actually made them come down a bit off of this hill as it was a lot higher then the picture shows it to be.  And then they laughed cause I said wait, don't come down yet.  Cause I had to snag a picture.

Rob discussed the irony of chewing them out, and then taking a picture of *why* they were being chewed out...I do that a bit often apparently.  LOL  Samuel is letting it be known he's not impressed.  Zeria...she's just modelling LOL

Anyhow today we are headed into town to grocery shop, Walmart, and the three oldest are visiting a Nursing Home to earn credit in there Awana books.  Its gonna be a long day, but necessary.  We figured since we had to go for the Nursing Home, we'd do the other stuff, and miss the bigger expense of shopping closer.

So, I'll be back about 4 pm...exhausted.  LOL

Its rare these days that a song just sits in my head going over and over.   But, oh man the one I put up.  It just grabs me at the absolute core of my being.

I went and found it at Rhapsody, and I've played it over and over.  And it just makes me cry.

And smile, and...its just perfect right now.

This also makes me smile;

And this;  Click on that to make it big; its not dark when its big LOL

And this goober;

It was a beautiful evening tonight, so we walked down to the river in the twilight, and watched the sunset through the trees onto the river.   And it made the begiinning of a day, end ever so much better.

I am dealing well.  I had a wonderful person use her humor, and respond to a desperate e-mail I sent at 11pm last night.   She made me grin, and sympathize, and know that I could keep on.  Thanks Zvanzivou. 

And I will keep on keeping on. 

What If.  Nicole Nordeman

What if you're right
He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true

What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then

*But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than fokelore that must be told
And retold

*Repeat

'Cause you've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you're wrong

What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if it's love

My body just kinda shut down.  I crawled into bed at 9:00 and woke up at 12:30.  I'm still kinda 98% asleep, but even while I was sleeping I knew I needed to wake up so DH could go to work tonight.  So, I'm awkae...sorta

My kids have found a "new" show which they absolutely love.  The Laugh-a-Lympics.   They are sitting in cardboard boxes on the floor.  And have made signs that say "Go Scoobys Go"  And things like that.   They are holding these signs up and cheering when the Scoobies team appears.

Its absolutely hysterical. 

A new day.

Its been a long week.  I'm just hanging on by a thread.  And I keep wondering the reasons as to why I'm hanging on.

And then one of the kiddos comes up, and I remember.

Its scarey to be in this place for long.  So, I shall continue to fight, and try to get back in a place that is a little less dark.

And yes I'm having a visitor from Aunt Flo, which is the reason its worse. 

So, one step ahead at a time.

And you know what is one of the best feelings in the world??

This;

He just bury's down on my neck, and snuggles in and holds so still.  And suddenly all of life is good.   Of course five minutes after that he starts beating me with his head, and causing messes.  But hey, ya can't have everything can ya???

Too funny considering how much I've spent on ebay this month.