Gooooooooood morning.

First project of the day accomplished.  Nagged DH into making a call to the plumbers.   Soon for the first time in a year we will have a working bathroom sink.  *YEAH!!!

Thanks to that lovely IRS fund.

Tomorrow I will go pick out a kitchen stove.   And then maybe I can bake again.....and use the self-timer part of the oven.   I really want to do it today, wanted to do it yesterday, but doing it with six kiddos just seems a bit stupid.   I'd probably buy something hot pink just to get myself out of there. 

I wrote a card to both of our pastors yesterday and sent them off.   Just a bit of notes thanking them for what they do in the church.   We felt it would diffuse a bit of our frustration.    And meet our church halfway in the frustrations we feel.  

I also sent off a card on Friday to a xanga buddy.  She should be getting it today or tomorrow.  And its a suprise.    I made a new goal to do a bit of snail mail.    I love snail mail...and not of the bill variety.  *giggles*   And when I couldn't send out Christmas cards this year decided I would just start sending cards occasionally through the year.    I have one more to send...now I just need to get the addy.

Oh and if you'ld like "real" mail.  E-mail me your addy and sometime when your not looking for it I'll send you something fun.       I have a couple people's addys from the Christmas card exchange, but I'd love to add a few more.   My e-mail addy is rtsignor@juno.com

Jeremiah has a cold again, nasty nasty one.   At least now I know why he was so ornrey yesterday.  d'uh.   Daddy gave him albuterol this morning and he's sleeping like a rock...why didn't I think of that?    Hard to think in the thick of things. 

Other then that just puttering around.  My housework is still staying caught up...who am I and what have I done with Tonia????

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Just checked our checking account online.

Our tax refund came in.

The amount is just phenomenal.   And rather terrifying somehow.  

*cough*  There are advantages to having six children.

*coughs* some more.

Part of me wants to go spend it as fast as I can.

Part of me is still wallowing in depression. 

Grace.

People don't allow me it so often.   And some days I find it hard to allow it to people.

Definition of grace I'm writing this from?  Undeserved favor.  

This being said.   I'm a chicken.

I don't want to know what people *honestly* think about me.   Because I'm so frickin' hard on myself I couldn't take it anymore.

And yet....

people think I have it together.  Which is really quite hysterical.

Mostly I'm this close to falling apart in 500 bazillion pieces that could never be picked up and put back together.

And somehow....for the most part....people don't see that.

Is it a fault that I don't allow it to be seen?   Or my salvation.

I was talking a long time to someone who is rapidly fitting into the a close tight corner of people I call close friends.

I once told her off, and she wasn't offended.   She came right back and said I was right.    And kept coming back.  

And when we were discussing wether I was out-spoken she was good and gave me a different perspective.      "ARe you really that outspoken?  Or are people just idiots."   I believe was her exact comment.   Funny, rather similar to what my husband said.

I tolerate a LOT from a LOT of people.   But they don't see that.   They don't see how many times I swallow my words or run away.     I'm so tired of running.

I've been scared by entirely too many people in too many arenas and denied myself the right to friendship because they intimidated me.     The confidence they oozed, and their I'm right attitude made me run for the hills.

And now I find...they were running in the opposite direction.

Running, absolutely get nobody no where.   And denies you the posibility for what could be a awesome friendship if you were willing to stand still.

I'm desperately hoping to be done running.   I stood still for Rob.   It was the hardest thing I ever did.  And the rewards have been incredible.

I imagine so many terrible things that *could* happen that I run away rather then discussing how I feel when things are bothering me.   Because I'm afraid that would offend and cause them to run.   The result is still running.  

Is this making any sense?  Probably not.  But I *think* it is to me.   How convincing is that??

Continuing to evaluate life.   Hopefully for the rest of my life.    Always changing always growing....even if it isn't visible on the outside.

For *me* the song that fits right now is...

"He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be.  It took him just a week to make the moon and stars, the sun and earth, and jupiter, and Mars, how loving and patient he must be, cause he's still working on me."

My husband is funny on vallium.  Very funny.

He announced to everyone in a very unquiet voice why he was there. 

Somehow I thought he'd be embarassed.  *giggles madly*

And was just oh-so-relaxed.   He is also the consumate nurse.    Seriously man.   He WATCHED the first half of his procedure.   Can you imagine?  I soooooooooo can't.  *sniggers*  But then after all he was the one who wanted to know how to do a pap smear when he went to one of my pregnancy check-ups.  (smacks him hard!)

Crazy man.   And doing extremely well.  You would never guess he had surgery yesterday.  He's laying flat because the doctor ordered, but that is absolutely the ONLY reason.    He's walking fine, and said it was a very comfortable procedure.

I'll take his word for it.

Becky?  Tell your hubby that Rob says its "easy"  ROFL.   And all apprehension disappears when you swallow that vallium pill.  *sniggers*

Still doing some heavy thinking, and praying.   Other then that we're just hanging out, and trying to get our DVD player to work.

This morning it *seems* to be...so hopefully.    It keeps freezing about half way through the DVD.   And their new DVD's.  So now we have a old one of my moms in and so far its working.  Any ideas??????

Good morning. 

Shipping my kids to grandmas for the day.  Except for Jeremiah.

Rob and I are visiting a doctor.   And then umm daddy's gonna be a bit sore for the rest of the weekend.  (feel in that blank)  LOL

So its gonna be another long weekend for me.   But the kid break today should help.  (I hope)   If you feel like praying...pray that the "procedure" goes well.

TIA

Epiphany...I think I need to spell that word out 25x like we used to have to do in school.   Cause mad I spelt it bad.

The good news is I was a  bit closer last time....

cause last time I spelt it starting with a A,  *sigh*

Anyhow onto the epiphany.

But give thanks to God who always leads us in a joyful procession, that we may share everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him.

This is my epiphany.

Smell is subtle.   Of all the sense I think smell is the one we are for the most part aware of the least.     Its something that can be ignored, unless its fragrance de'la skunk.        Its typically not offensive.      But it can and does permeate a space.   

Sound can be and is often offensive.   And for the most part can't be ignored...I know I've tried ignoring my children often enough.  *snicker*   And sound offenses.   The tongue which makes sound is a nasty powerful weapon that hurts much more then it heals in the cases of most people. 

Smell typically doesn't make people mad...with a few rare exceptions.   No analogy of course is perfect.

Anyhow....

I am a sound Christian.   Not a fragrant Christian. 

I offend very easily.    I see what I perceive as a wrong and want to fix it.   

Thats the sound Christian.  

A fragrant Christian just is.   It doesn't fix things, it doesn't ask things to change its just there.   One can smell it or not.     

There's more to learn in regards to fragrance.....more analogy...more to learn.   I'm still working on it.    But thats the pieces I'm gleaning on right now.

2 Corinthians 2:14.

"But thanks be to God who always leads us in joyful process in Christ Jesus, who through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him."

My entiphany (is that how its spelt?) of the week.   And my murmuring verse.   Actually may murmure the next 4 with it.

Later I'll share why it is so significant to me.

I woke up this morning struggling bad.   Depression.   I prayed, talked with Rob, and just was not digging myself out.  But knew stuff had to keep moving.   So I headed to town.  And for the first time in two months the sun was out.   And somehow my spirits were lifted, and things just started moving a bit better.

Saw a lady from church whom I love dearly and she gave me a hug just cause.  That was also nice.

Anyhow the day has been MUCH better since then, and I'm very greatful.

Got home from town hugged the kids whom I'd left with daddy and sat down to the computer.   Logged on, hit one board.   And turned the computer off...the sunshine was just calling me.

So took a couple boxes of strawberrys, water bottles and headed to the park with the kids for an hour.  I'm so glad I did.

And now...

I'm tired    Still haven't done my walk today, so I'll find just enough energy for that.  

A month and ten days into walking....and I'm up to a half mile 3 days a week.  In some ways it seems pathetic, but I'm thrilled that its consistent and I'm getting that far.    Baby steps right?   Its better to take baby steps and do it, then no steps at all. 

2 Corinthians 2:14

"But thanks be to God who always leads us in joyful procession  in Christ, who spreads through us everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him."

I lifted this from Mrs. Moore's site the other night.  Stealing is the sincerest form of flattery right?   I see it funny/sad/pathetic from a loggers daughters perspective.   And funny from a hs'ers perspective.    And well here ya go.      And if your a teacher please don't take it personal.  I fully recognize there are superb teachers....

and really bad ones as well. 

Teaching Math In 1950

************************ A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

************************ A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

************************ A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

*********************** A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

************************ By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2005

************************El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es

woooooooooo

Its Monday and all my laundry is folded.  And two out of three laundry hampers in the house are empty.

The world must have just ended.

And I haven't folded laundry since last Tuesday.

Happy dance.

Okay it makes me happy anyhow ROFL

Looking for the rainbows.

This afternoon Rainee was wheezing bad.  I went to grab her meds and remembered they were in the van.  I headed out to the van where it was slushing hard.    Rummaged through the van and couldn't find the meds.   And then remembered, I had brought them into the church with me as she was having a rotten day and I wanted them close at hand.

By this time the slush was just plain snow and sticking some.  I groaned.  I could not be without her meds, and if I waited until tomorrow and used a back-up vial I thought I had there was a good possibility we'd be house-bound because of the snow.

So I went inside and told my kids the loverly news.  We got to all bundle up all 7 of us and go back to church to get the wretched meds.    Its snowing nasty hard.  I have Jeremiah under a blanky and we head down to the van...which I had already parked at the bottom of the driveway so as to avoid the whole snow-stuck catastrophy we had last time.  (this was before I membered the whole med thing)

ANYWAY.   "Hurry, its wet, come on Rainee, come on kaylin."  I'm chirping like a mother-hen trying to speed up this miserable slippery process to the van.   Rainee's shivering cause she's still in her dress.    And I'm just bordering exasperation. 

The absolute LAST place I wanted to go to today was back to church.  I'd already created one scene there today (a whole nother blog).

Rainee stops and points into the dirt.  "Look mom a rainbow."

I took a deep breathe and looked. 

Sure enough there was a rainbow.  An oily one from the Geo's chronic oil link.   In Rainee's eyes it was beautiful.

I slowed down.    And looked at the rainbows.

So in the midst of a family of sick kids, hard decisions to be made about a new church home, and my exhaustion as my husband pulls a double.  

I found a rainbow.   

Thought I should share.