February 20, 2004

  • soooooooooooo I just had a lovely bawl on my husbands shoulder.


    Where he very wisely didn't say a single word just held me and let me cry...a long time.


    And fortunately the kids didn't burn the house down or anything when this was happening.


    And I'm going back on paxil.   And I've gone off sugar.   I'm hypoglycemic have been since 17....and I have been so bad for a very long time.  Rainee's birth caused me to focus on her and not me.  And know its time for me.


    I'm truely sorry for the writing I've done the last week.   I broke several cardinal rules...and didn't see them until ya know five minutes too late.       But then...I've been doing that in r/l too.   I came this close to running a red light yesterday.  With my car full of kids.  And it wasn't a yellow light going red...it was a red light for a long time.


    I'm in a fog I can't get out of.   I have to face that the mental disorder my grandmother had...I have as well.   And living without meds in unacceptable.   I've researched the pregnancy thing...and everyone says the meds are essentially safe.   I can't go off them.  I can't keep doing stupid things.  


    My mind has been rather disrupted for lack of a better term.    I wrote a very vehement blog and privatized it about 5 minutes later.   But it did cause me to cry...and it did break me and I needed that.   


    I'll be good now...honest.  (well within reason ya know)

Comments (8)

  • Ah sweetie I am so sorry.  I too am hypoglycemic have been for all my life. I was diagnosed in my mid twenties at a time when I was having a bonified nervous breakdown due to that disease.  I lived in a depressed state of fog for so long.  Do you know they say that a high percentage of people that are in mental hospitals are hypoglycemic?  That should tell us something about what it does to the body, brain and mind.  I can't have sugar, it turns toxic in my body causing horrible episodes of depression, anxiety, rapic heartbeat, horrible headaches and mood swing bigger than any roller coaster I have ever seen.

    If you need any help or accountability sweetie I would be glad to help you.  Praying for you so much.  Love, Cathie Jo

  • :heartbeat::sunny:

  • {{hug}} i will be praying for you, my friend.

  • Awwww sweetie! As Moms, it is so hard to put our needs first! I am happy for you that you are taking steps for doing just that.

  • :heartbeat: *big hugs* I think I saw that blog the other night, but I didn't know what to say.

    Kira's been taking Paxil since she was 10 years old, and while I hate having to give it to her, I can't imagine how hard life would be for her right now without it.

    I wish I didn't have to fall off the deep end mentally to start taking Prozac, I probably should've had it years ago. Now, I just feel "normal" again.

  • An estimated 35-40 million Americans living today will suffer from major Depressive Illness during their lives. For each person directly suffering, three or four times that number of their relatives, employees, associates, and friends will also be adversely affected. This came from http://www.depression.org

    My brother is Bipolar. My sister and mother both suffer heavy depression. All three of them have tried to commit suicide in the last three years. There really isn't a moral to this, except that I'm glad that you are getting help.

    Shame on our society that puts a stigma of shame on depression. It is GOOD that you are getting help. It's a chemical imbalance, not a travesty. Your five wonderful children and good dh need you in tip top shape ;)

    Sending a prayer your way....H

    PS We have Sugar Free Mochas and Sugar free desserts at the Cottage now :)

  • :heartbeat: *hugs*

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