Morning

Did a quick check of the boards.   Their asleep.   Guess I'll go find a life for a bit.

Rob has kicked me out of the house was just waking up enough to go.   So I'll be gone a couple hours, and then its his turn.   Him and my brother are planning on their first 10 mile jog of the year.    They are gearing up for a marathon this summer.

They plan to jog from Sequim to Port Angeles with I guess via the waterfront trail is umm 26 miles.   Yup Their INSANE!  Shudders.

I had a bit of a down day yesterday.    Started off waking up late.   And woke up extremely hypoglycemic.  Stayed in bed staring while my lovely DH brought me some sausage (I was still nursin' a wee one)   I ate it...but should have eaten some more.  Instead cause I was late headed to the dentist. 

It sucked as per usual.  And I struggled with anxiety attacks though he didn't know....Anyhow long and short of it was I kept forgetting to eat all day.   And was not in nearly as bad of a funk as say a week ago.   But nevertheless kind of drug.   Finally at dinner time we went to the Mexican restaurant and sat down to eat.   Had a lovely meal of Arroz con pollo.   And instant mood lifter.   And then d'uh EAT you dope came flying through my mind.  5 pieces of sausage, and 2 chicken patties is not enough in a 12 hour day......gotta eat about every three hours, not a lot, but more then that. 

Okies gonna start this day....and its gonna be a good one right?

One week.

I've been one week without sugar.

And amazingly its been easy.   I guess that is God's mercy...or the fact that I feel so much better, and have actually slept the last three nights.

Wednesday a week ago curled up in the fetal position I should started begging God for a answer.  Please God help me conquer this.   Help me get over these vile mood swings.

And quietly he whispered sugar...And rescued me even when I didn't deserve it.

Ironically I've known for months I should cut back...but I needed to be scared to TRUELY do it.   And  God answered.  That is truely awesome!

good morning

Rob is in whole-hearted agreement with me about last nights blog.    And I, I am at peace.  Its rather amazing.

No more having to be the mom-in-charge.   No more having to fend off my nephew's temper tantrums because I'm the mom their, and the leaders dump him on me.   No more sitting on the floor for two hours watching kids because theirs no adult chairs.   No more ten o'clock bedtimes.  Oh dang this just hurts my feelings.

And we've decided we'll probably start swimming once a week as a family when DH is off-work.   Plus I will probably start going to the Dream Park more often to get them interaction that way.   I would still LOVE a day-time P.E. group.   So might start investigating....

We also still have Sunday church and all the stuffies there, so it will work.  

Just well aware when you take something away from your kids you need to replace it with something....so several plans going there.  DAY time plans.

Sam stepped on Mari's foot.  It was a accident.  Tell him your sorry and give him a hug.   

Sam gave him a hug lifted him off his feet swirled him around in a circle and banged his head against a wall.

Oh that was an effective apology. 

bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Good morning

So today's Wednesday.  Today my goal is to not wear myself out to the point of flipping.....

Its a worthy goal right?

Still off sugar, and I've actually slept good the last two nights.   Beginning to suspect a corelation.

My favorite aunt bought a computer.   And we spent 2 hours talking on IM with it.  It was a lot of fun.      She was hillarious though, as she's brand new to the internet world, and I kept oopsing and using abbrievations like IM.     And each time she'd make me tell her what it was and then use it.   

So last night she learned LOL, brb, IM, and c/p....snicker.  Glad to teach her something new.   And I really had no idea how many I'd incorporated into my typing without thought.   Cause I tried to avoid them and those 4 slipped out without me even thinking of them NOT being words.   Their "words" to me now.  hehehe

Anyhow she's retiring in 26 days or sumfin' like that, and the computer was her retirement present to herself.  With it she's planning on researching the family tree.   One side (my grandpa's has been done back to 1612, which is just very intriguing to me.)   The other side has been barely scratched....possibly because they were the "weird" side.  *snicker*     I do know my moms grandmother (so that would be my great-great?)  came to CAnada straight from Ireland due to the potato famine.     I also know that my grandpa's side were originally settled in the Pennsylvania area.   But were Torie's and didn't want to fight in the Revolutionary War, so fled to Canada.   Just bits of intriguing past that I can claim as my own.

*YAAAAAWN*  Rainee woke up at 5:45 and absolutely refused to go back to sleep.   She was all rather hysterical.  She she's up, and now she's upstairs entertaining her siblings.   Or are they entertaining her?   Soon I will go wake up DH, and head back to bed myself..........

Today's pay-day, but I think I'm gonna wait to grocery shop tomorrow.   I'm trying to avoid exhaustion like the plague today, so as to avoid the woe-is-me-I'm-miserable attitude after Awana.  But we will see.

Life...baby steps...I can do this right???

A bunch of backgrounds that I've made over the last few days.   Feel free to lift.

Oh Kayte?   These are for your graphics page.  *grin*  Figured this was the easiest way to get them to you. 

Afternoon.  I think I'm sane again. 

Its rather a novel feeling.  I've felt emotionally stable for two days.  And have been of sugar since Thursday morning.   And its been easier then I thought it would be (so far)

Theirs no sugary foods in the house...rarely is.  Its the stopping at mom & pop stores that kills me.  So I've been avoiding them, or buying nuts or sumfin' instead.   I am doing a withdrawl however and my blood pressure has been slightly funky.

Rob is watching it (pats my nurse husband)  And if it doesn't get better I will go in and check with the doctor.     

Kids and I went to the park yesterday.  Something I haven't braved in a long time.  It was a lot of fun.  And I ran into a lady I've met a couple other times at varying places who has two adopted chinese girls.  We talked non-stop and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.  *grin*     Weadopt would LOVE to visit with her.  *grin*    She goes every Monday I guess...so I may sneak in and join her again sometime.

I've been walking away from the computer a bit more often, and getting off when theirs nothing to do.   I'm also making myself get outside a bit each day regardless of the weather.   Baby-steps right?

Anyhow, for now things appear to be a bit better. 

and you know when your son has watched tv when this conversation occurs....

"Dad what's this brown thing on the bowl?" 

"Oh, thats a stain."

"Chlorox will take it out!" (son) 

snicker  Okies then.

So....had a nice date night with DH.  Didn't do anything spectacular...but I felt closer to him tonight...thanks to his unfailing patience this afternoon.

God knew what he was doing when he allowed me to wait ten years for him.

Had to blog this story for posterity's sake.   It was a bright spot in a otherwise exasperating, frustrating day.

We attempted to go to the beach today.   The tide was too high..no beach.     But it was a ok family drive...mostly cause it was timed during Rainee's nap and she was asleep..not screaming.  Anyhows  this is when we're captive audiences...and have some lovely conversations with our children.

Zeria is fascinated by Indians.  (Ya know Native-Americans)  We have a family who lives five minutes away from us who she is close to.  She is white, He is Indian. Which is how he refers to himself 9x out of ten.   They have umm 6 kiddos.   Zeria loves them.    Sooooo that's the background. 

"Mom, how does somebody know they are Indian?"  she inquires.  "Their born that way."  I respond.   "But, how?"  "Because, they know that their ancestors were first-comers to the U.S."  I respond.  "Remember Kira is Indian...its in her blood, cause her daddy is Indian member?"  I ask.   We discuss several other people who are Indian.  And she's satisfied...sort of.   And then I remember something we've never discussed and for whatever reason the timing is right.    So I say.  "Did you know, that you have black blood and white blood?  Your a bit of a mix like Kira." 

"How?"  Zeria asks.  "Your birth-mommy was white, your birth-daddy black."  I respond.  "Oh."  she says quietly. 

As she gets older we slowly introduce a little bit more of her past to her.   We've never lied, we won't.  But of course...we leave some of the umm more sordid details out until she's mentally capable of grasping them.   So, I'm thinking I've given her this key piece of information.

Zeria's next statement????  "But mom, my bloods red."

I died laughing.   Rob says.  "You had that coming."

So, then we had to discuss in great detail what I meant by "blood"   It was a educational day.

You're The Mists of Avalon!
by Marion Zimmer Bradley
You're obsessed with Camelot in all its forms, from Arthurian legend
to the Kennedy administration. Your favorite movie from childhood was "The Sword in
the Stone". But more than tales of wizardry and Cuban missiles, you've focused on
women. You know that they truly hold all the power. You always wished you could meet
Jackie Kennedy.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

You're Sudan!
Every time you get a headache, you reach for some aspirin, only to
realize that someone destroyed it.  That's just how things are going for you right
now... it's hard to eat, hard to sleep, hard to not have a headache.  You try to
relax, but people always jump on you about something that doesn't make sense.  If
you were a goat, you'd be a Nubian.
Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

soooooooooooo I just had a lovely bawl on my husbands shoulder.

Where he very wisely didn't say a single word just held me and let me cry...a long time.

And fortunately the kids didn't burn the house down or anything when this was happening.

And I'm going back on paxil.   And I've gone off sugar.   I'm hypoglycemic have been since 17....and I have been so bad for a very long time.  Rainee's birth caused me to focus on her and not me.  And know its time for me.

I'm truely sorry for the writing I've done the last week.   I broke several cardinal rules...and didn't see them until ya know five minutes too late.       But then...I've been doing that in r/l too.   I came this close to running a red light yesterday.  With my car full of kids.  And it wasn't a yellow light going red...it was a red light for a long time.

I'm in a fog I can't get out of.   I have to face that the mental disorder my grandmother had...I have as well.   And living without meds in unacceptable.   I've researched the pregnancy thing...and everyone says the meds are essentially safe.   I can't go off them.  I can't keep doing stupid things.  

My mind has been rather disrupted for lack of a better term.    I wrote a very vehement blog and privatized it about 5 minutes later.   But it did cause me to cry...and it did break me and I needed that.   

I'll be good now...honest.  (well within reason ya know)