November 7, 2003
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Here I am...
The idiot who keeps complainign about how tired she is, and believe me I'm tired. And yet I have insomnia.
Bangs head on computer.
Too many things swirling through my head.
Information overload.
I really meant the exasperated sentence about catching a break. And I'm just bordering on pity-party mode.
Of course I'm PMSing which just plain doesn't help. *snigger* And of course theirs the fear that I'm NOT PMSing...and the question of how stupid am I for not being on birth control right now? And then theirs the trust issue, in that DH and I both chose for now to trust God to keep our sterile...and for 18 months he has. But God has a really funny idea as to what we can handle. Personally I would have thought the camels back shoulda broke oh say about 15 months ago. *snigger*
One little tiny baby step at a time.
If you skimmed or skipped this song the last time I posted it. (two days ago) I'm putting it up again. Its haunting me right now.
When you feel like the stars have stopped shining,
and the sun just can't reach where you are,
and when you're feeling afraid and forgotten
like you're left all alone in the dark,
its so easy to say there's a God up in heaven,
but sometimes He's so hard to see.
But yet I have found if we just learn to trust Him.
He's got everything we could need.
chorus;
If we had God's eyes and could see to forever,
we'd never have to struggle to believe.
We'd understand why and in all of our questions,
we'd know what the answers would be.
But we have faith enough to know God is always in control
when we can't see the forest for the trees.
There are times when we wait and we wonder
and we question the sound of His call.
In the silence we learn how to listen,
and we find He's been there through it all.
He's longing to lead us from where we are waiting.
He wants us to reach out our hands.
And with every step we're a little bit closer
to all that the Father has planned.
chorus
If we had God's eyes and could see to forever,
we'd never have to struggle to believe.
We'd understand why and in all of our questions,
we'd know what the answers would be.
But we have faith enough to know God is always in control
when we can't see the forest for the trees.
Check out the second verse. He WANTS us to reach out our hands. (picture a child learning to walk, do you want them to fall? Oh no you want them to look to you for help) And with every step we're a little bit closer to all that the Father has planned.
Okay, I don't understand the plan. It looks like a 5,000 piece puzzle all the same color. BLACK. And I suck a puzzles. But Father God, I'm choosing to hold on. I'm giving you my exhaustion, unfolded laundry, unfinished house, homeschooling, lack of sleep, unhealthy body, its yours. Show me how to put the puzzle together into a working plan. One step, at a time. Amen!
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And then theirs this random thought. Do you ever look at a friend. And say...."I can fix their life. They just need this one little piece of their puzzle, and everything would function so much better. If they only forgave so & so, or paid this & that bill, or went for counselling, I mean really its so easy to see how to fix it why don't they?" Have you said that before? I have. I do. I did.
Do you ever wonder which piece of the puzzle your friend is holding over your head saying..."I could fix that for you, if you only did this or so?" I wish a friend would hand me a piece to my puzzle, and help me see a bit bigger piece of the picture. And I pray so hard, that I don't have a blind spot, that my eyes are open enough to see the right piece of the puzzle, and I'm not being harsh, or unforgiving, or needing something that seems so obvious to someone else. Soooooooooooooo here's your open invitation. Unless of course you gave up on this meandering blog about 20 minutes ago.
Do you see a piece to my puzzle that I'm missing? Something that I haven't done, or should do that would make things easier in my life? If you do let me know....I might not listen at first, but I really would like some help. I mean it.
Comments (5)
{hugs} Look at me, not sleeping either
I really wish I had your puzzle piece. I'm still trying to put mine together and I suck at puzzles too. I have nothing to offer other than faith that things will get better, I have to believe that, things always turn out for the best. We just can't feel it when we're in the middle of it. Hope you get some rest.
*hugs*
These times are the hardest sugar, it's when God is teaching us faith. Faith when we can't see anything, learning to just trust in His nature that He is in control. I don't see that you are doing anything wrong or that you are missing anything, I think He is just teaching you to keep walking even when you can't hear Him or haven't a clue where He is taking you. And you know He doesn't do that with a baby Christian, so be of good courage sweetie. It's not like God is sitting in Heaven looking down to see if you are going to pick the wrong thing and then pop you for it, His heart yearns to guide us and honestly it sounds like your heart is in that same pattern as His. So you can know if your heart is wanting to do right, and even if you do make a mistake He will gently just show you the right way.
I think sometimes He doesn't show us the big picture because where we are in our walk at the moment we wouldn't have the faith yet to push forward, I think it would scare us to death...lol. So instead He shows us a little at a time, what our faith can handle at this moment, and as it grows He shows us more.
Your doing great, I think you are right on track and I know the Lord is smiling down on you. I think He is doing nothing more than pouring you into a new wine skin. Love, Cathie Jo
that is a cool song.
i have no piece of your puzzle, God holds them all. it is remembering that God will give them to us in his perfect time.
i think one reason God allows us in the situtions we are in is to force us to continue to hold on to him. we are the nurslings just learning to walk. life looks so good, if we can just get over the ditch. instead of asking to be carried we try and get over it ourselves and when we fall we go running back to the saftey of the arms that know us best. if we had just allowed ourselves to be carried we would have gotten over the ditch easier. still may have been bumpy, but our cares would not have been so worry some.
I would love for you to play with the pic when you have time.
I should have time this weekend to play with it also, but you do such a good job, I want to have a Tonia creation. 
And worries, yes, understand that one...Warning TMI coming up... I was "released" from the dr at 5 weeks... now worrying if throwing up and lack of taste buds means something besides stomach virus... camel's back is swaying as it is.
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