Month: November 2003

  • Good morning.


    Yesterday was a nasty day.  Rain, wind on the outside.  And frustration on the inside.    Been along time since I opened up my mouth and put my foot in that deeply.  Must remember to keep my mouth shut.  *snigger*


    Today its at least not raining, and the kids can play outside again.  My husband is building a camp fire I guess.  Cause I didn’t answer what I wanted to do.  I don’t want to do nothing.  LOL.


    Had a very painful back most of the night and I’d really rather crawl in a dark hole and hide.


    May do that.  *grin*  Its what weekends are for isn’t it?????


    Anyhow was bored so have taken two of these…

    Fionna Aedui
    Fionna Aedui

    Which member of the Badb Catha clan are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    solitary
    Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
    Alone.

    “When I wake up alone, the shades are still
    drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
    their lines on my bed and lines on my
    face.”

    The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
    melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
    the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
    or Unrequited Love.

    As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
    hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
    much love to give, but thing just never seem to
    work out the way you want them to. In life,
    you can be very optomistic, even when things
    are gray and nothing works out to your
    expectations.

    What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Yup bored. LOL must find a life.

  • wicked, wicked wind storm last night.  Rather terrifying somehow.  Zeria and I spent the night cuddled in bed wishing daddy was home to “protect” us from all the nasty sounds coming outside.  The highlight being when a transformer or something blew and sounded like a shot-gun going off.  freaky.


    Oh and in  regards to comments from the last blog.  *giggles*


    Kayte,  I want to hide from my kids right now!  Forget waiting 20 years when they come with spouses and grandkids.  And oh dear…I think I’ll go hide now.


    Wommie;  Yup  chocolate cake is supposed to be sweet.  *giggles hysterically*         But you know there’s sweet, and sweet.  And the whole conversation was retarded anyhow to put it lightly.  


    My sis will just not admit defeat these days.  I love her I do.  And she has become my best friend.  But in big crowds of family,  I think I’ll just hide.  Would have gone and played puter, but they were both occupied.  *snicker*


    Okies,  dh is home, so I’m gonna go sleep, and then he is.  And the wind is stilllllllll howling. 


    Missing Jen.  Must wake up a charrie or two to play with somebody besides her, or its gonna be a long weekend!

  • Happy Thankful day!


    Today I am thankful for a husband whose willing to peel potatoes.  He just peeled enough for 25 people.  I thought I was going to wake up to doing it, and kept dreading it.  Instead I woke up to him just about done.


    I am thankful for a warm house and a cheap mortgage.


    I am thankful for a adoption caseworker willing to bend rules. 


    I am thankful for my bed…wish I could be in it.  *giggles*


    I am thankful for monitors that watch Rainee at night so I can sleep little bits.


    I am thankful for Zeria learning to read so easily.   I just don’t have the energy for a learning disability at the moment.  God knew this. 


    I am thankful that Rainee DID learn to walk…even if it increased my work expenentially.  *snort*


    I am thankful for a place to play online that allows me to escape reality, and the women/men who keep it functioning even when theirs grief/backbiting/etc.


    Mostly I am thankful to a God who allows me to learn, make mistakes and keeps pushing me to grow.


    Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say Rejoice!

  •                           


    etteee  eteeee eteeee


                        


    a face only mommy could love.


    See mom I’m etee!!  


     


    Snickering madly.  Camera uploaded pictures,  xanga cooperated, so here’s my etee face


     


     

  • Good evening.


    Quiet house.  This is the best time of night.    *snicker*


    I did my two week grocery run, and survived.  My kids survived too.  *snigger*


    Gonna miss Jen something terrible the next four days.  Who am I gonna play with???? 


    Have caffeine in the house again.  (woo hoo)  And instant food, and cereal.  Oh me loves pay day!  *giggles*


    resisted the ice cream……sniff sniff.  Its not good for me.  But oy it tassssssssssssstes good.


    I found this picture on my harddrive today.  *grin*    WAnt to guess which one is me?    And yup that is a BIG dog.  We always had a great dane growing up. 


                   


    Rainee found a lipstick today.  And was quite delighted.  She kept putting her finger in it and putting it on her face and then saying itteee (pretty)  itteee.   Very cute,  very messy.  Have make-up finger prints on my monitor now.  Took pictures, was gonna upload them, but can’t get them off my camera, my hpport isn’t working quite right.  Figure it out later maybe.


    Also have a silly kitten picture for Salem to look at.  *sniggers*  But once again need to get it on puter first.  (growl)


    Oh and somebody decorated my bathroom sink with ittee’s too.  That lipstick is toast.  good thing it wasn’t a favorite.  *snicker*


    Supposed to bring the mashed taters to Thanksgiving Dinner at my moms…and forgot to buy potatoes.  How can one go grocery shopping and NOT buy taters????  I guess when one takes 5 munchies with them.  *snicker*


    I’ve been rather bored online the last couple days.  And seriously contemplating digging out my kids book I started awhile back.  Ponders where I put the disc.  Really should do something profitable huh?     Its called the Crooked Tree.    I have six chapters written, and they’ve been read by several people and enjoyed.   Ponders it again, really should dig it out.  *grin*


             


    This house is where I grew up.  I grew up in the country, my parents having built this when I was five.  My dad cut the logs down from our property and put them up himself.  The inside of the house had many “unique” characteristics.  The front door was a 6 inch solid slab of wood.  Dad used to brag that no burglers would dast break it down.   The kitchen table was made out of another 6 inch slab of wood from the same tree.  Rather umm stout.  *giggles*   And the stairs were carved with a chain-saw out of a 3 foot around log.   Its was a fabulous house to grow up in.  We moved out when I was 13 due to logging moving west, and rarely seeing my dad.  If the house ever went back on the market I’d want to buy it sooooooo badly.  Loves that house.  *grin*


    Anyhow, my story is based loosely on adventures had while living there.  *grin*   And learning how to deal with a brothers cancer.  Maybe some day I’ll finish it.


     


     


     

  • Had a lovely phone call from my bestest friend.  We’ve been friends since the fifth grade.  Somewhere way way back in my archives are some blogs about her.  I should dig them up sometime they were a good read. 


    Anyhow go figure her name is Jenny.  And she’s coming down for a visit just after my ‘ils leave.  Our paths took wildly divergent tracks.   But we still keep in touch.  We’ve had fights.  (big ones *grin)   But Lord willing we will be friends until heaven.


    And now…our paths seem to be going side-by-side.  She has two biological children, 3 foster children.  One of whom is permanent.      So many similarities, so many differences, and God in all of them. 


    Glad her mom still lives in the area its the only reason we get to see each other, she just lives to dang far away.   Can’t wait to see her again. 


     

  • Something to think about…I’ve put this up before, but it was a long time ago.  Tiem to share again.


     


    “Why was my burden so heavy?”  I slammed the bedroom door and leaned against it.  Is there no rest from this life? I wondered.  I stumbled to my bed and dropped onto it, pressing my pillow around my ears to shut out the noise of my existence.

    “Oh God,” I cried, “let me sleep.  Let me sleep forever and never wake up!”

    With a deep sob I tried to will myself into oblivion, then welcomed the blackness that came over me.

    Light surrounded me as I regained consciousness.  I focused on its source: the figure of a man standing before a cross.

    “My child,” the person asked, “why did you want to come to Me before I am ready to call you?”

    “Lord, I’m sorry.  It’s just that… I can’t go on.  You see how hard it is for me.  Look at this awful burden on my back.  I simply can’t carry it anymore.”

    “But haven’t I told you to cast all of your burdens upon Me, because I care for you?
    My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”

    “I knew You would say that.  But why does mine have to be so heavy?”

    “My child, everyone in the world has a burden.  Perhaps you would like to try a different one?”

    “I can do that?”

    He pointed to several burdens lying at His feet.  “You may try any of these.”

    All of them seemed to be of equal size.  But each was labelled with a name.

    “Why there’s Joan’s!” I said.  Joan was married to a wealthy businessman.  She lived in a sprawling estate and dressed her three daughters in the prettiest designer clothes.  Sometimes she drove me to church in her Cadillac when my car was broken.

    “Let me try that one.”  How difficult could her burden be?  I thought.

    The Lord removed my burden and placed Joan’s on my shoulders.  I sank to my knees beneath its weight.
    “Take it off!” I said.  “What makes it so heavy?”

    “Look inside.”

    I untied the straps and opened the top.  Inside was a figure of her Mother-in-law, and when I lifted it out, it began to speak.

    “Joan, you’ll never be good enough for my son,” it began.  “He never should have married you.  You’re a terrible mother to my grandchildren…”

    I quickly placed the figure back in the pack and withdrew another.  It was Donna, Joan’s youngest daughter.  Her head was bandaged from the surgery that had failed to resolve her epilepsy.

    A third figure was Joan’s brother.  Addicted to drugs, he had been convicted of killing a police officer.

    “I see why her burden is so heavy, Lord.  But she’s always smiling and helping others.  I didn’t realize…”

    “Would you like to try another?”  He asked quietly.

    I tested several.  Paula’s felt heavy: She was raising four small boys without a father.  Debra’s did too: a childhood of sexual abuse and a marriage of emotional abuse.  When I came to Ruth’s burden, I didn’t even try.  I knew that inside I would find arthritis, old age, a demanding full-time job, and a beloved husband in a nursing home.

    “They’re all too heavy, Lord.” I said.  “Give back my own.”

    As I lifted the familiar load once again, It seemed much lighter than the others.

    “Lets look inside.” He said.

    I turned away, holding it close.  “That’s not a good idea,” I said.

    “Why?”

    “There’s a lot of junk in there.”

    “Let Me see.”

    The gentle thunder of His voice compelled me.  I opened my burden.

    He pulled out a brick.

    “Tell me about this one.”

    “Lord, You know.  It’s money.  I know we don’t suffer like people in some countries or even the homeless here in America.  But we have no insurance, and when the kids get sick, we can’t always take them to the doctor.  They’ve never been to a dentist. And I’m tired of dressing them in hand-me-downs.”

    “My child, I will supply all of your needs… and your children’s.  I’ve given them healthy bodies.  I will teach them that expensive clothing doesn’t make a person valuable in My sight.”


    Then He lifted out the figure of a small boy.  “And this?” He asked.


    “Andrew…” I hung my head, ashamed to call my son a burden.  “But, Lord, he’s hyperactive.  He’s not quiet like the other two.  He makes me so tired.  He’s always getting hurt, and someone is bound to think I abuse him.  I yell at him all the time.  Someday I may really hurt him….”

    “My child,” He said, “if you trust Me, I will renew your strength.  If you allow Me to fill you with My Spirit, I will give you patience.”

    Then He took some pebbles from my burden.

    “Yes, Lord,” I said with a sigh.  “Those are small.  But they’re important.  I hate my hair.  It’s thin, and I can’t make it look nice.  I can’t afford to go to the beauty shop.  I’m overweight and can’t stay on a diet.  I hate all my clothes.  I hate the way I look!”

    “My child, people look at your outward appearance, but I look at your heart.  By My Spirit you can gain self-control to lose weight.  But your beauty should not come from outward appearance.  Instead, it should come from your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in My sight.”

    My burden now seemed lighter than before.

    “I guess I can handle it now.” I said.

    “There is more.” He said.  “Hand Me that last brick.”

    “Oh, You don’t have to take that.  I can handle it.”

    “My child, give it to Me.”  Again His voice compelled me.  He reached out His hand, and for the first time I saw the ugly wound.

    “But, Lord, this brick is so awful, so nasty, so…..Lord!  What happened to Your hands?  They’re so scarred!” No longer focused on my burden, I looked for the first time into His face.  In His brow were ragged scars –as though someone had pressed thorns into His flesh.

    “Lord,” I whispered.  “What happened to You?”

    His loving eyes reached into my soul.

    “My child, you know.  Hand Me the brick.  It belongs to Me.  I bought it.”

    “How?”

    “With My blood.”

    “But why, Lord?”

    “Because I have loved you with an Everlasting Love.  Give it to Me.”

    I placed the filthy brick into His wounded palm.  It contained all the dirt and evil of my life: my pride, my selfishness, the depression that constantly tormented me.

    He turned to the cross and hurled my brick into the pool of blood at it’s base.  It hardly made a ripple.

    “Now, My child, you need to go back.  I will be with you always.  When you are troubled, call to Me and I will help you and show you things you cannot imagine now.”

    “Yes, Lord, I will call on You.”

    I reached to pick up my burden.

    “You may leave that here if you wish.  You see all these burdens?  They are the ones that others have left at My feet.  Joan’s, Paula’s, Debra’s, Ruth’s….. When you leave your burden here, I carry it with you.
    Remember, My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

    As I placed my burden with Him, the light began to fade.  Yet I heard Him whisper, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.”

    A peace flooded my soul.



  • Caught 20 minutes of a nap.  It has made a huge difference.  I can function. 


    Think I’ll make it after all.  *giggles*


    Feeding the kids popsicles for lunch….*snigger*  UMMM probably should add something healthy to that huh?  Any ideas.  its the day before pay-day, and food is all rather boring.


     

  • I need a life.   


    Well I have one…..just kind of tired of it.


    Did get some information into Port Angeles for adoption junk.  Sacrificed my nap for that.  And now I will be watching the kids all day with oh about four hours of sleep in my system.  And that of course would NOT be four in a row.  It was a long night.  Rainee’s sick, and if she was anybody else I would take her to the doctor, but their just not worth it for Rainee anymore.   So we continue to struggle on, and I’m looking for the end of respitory season already, and its just begun.


    Wishes for many things.  Have a terrible attitude this morning.


    And the energy I’ve had recently is all gone.  Its just about all I can do to keep my eyes open.  Seriously considering napping while my kids watch tv.  And yes I know how deadly that can be.  But oy…its only 11 am.   but if I nap the house will get trashed, so I’ll sit here hitting refresh, and realizing nobody’s playing ’cause they all have the energy to have a life.


    what a downer post.