September 17, 2003

  • tinge grumpy today.  And dealt with the desire to cry.


    Still trying to figure out the whole reason why.  Some of it was pain.  I'm slow.  I was in a lot of it, and am so used to functioning with a certain amount of it, that when it goes over the threshhold I'm completely unable to identify that pain is the problem.  *Sigh*


    If I have a day or two more like this I'm going back on the paxil 'cause at least my emotions will be under control that way.  But gonna give myself 24 hours.


    Rainee's p/t is going well.  Two days a week is a little tricky.  But if it helps her worth it.  Still debating as to how long I continue.  Its totally my call, so will pray how long she needs it.


    Their is a little girl their 16 months old.  She is beautiful, and precious, and adorable.  And in foster care.  She's already lived in 3 foster homes.  She's picked up in a school bus from her foster home, and dumped at early intervention for an hour and a half two times a week.  She cries most of the time, and the teachers struggle to know what to do with her.


    I don't blame her I'd be crying too! 


    And my heart cries for her.  The last adoption I did was kicking and screaming.  Well not quite, but pretty close.  But oh does this make me re think things.  And issues I'm not really wanting to deal with.  ITs probably part of the emotional meltdown I'm having.


    I hope not.  *snicker*  Cause the last time I did this 2 weeks later I got the call asking if I'd take Jahmari.  And how much more can I do? 


    As much as God asks me to.  Faith, trust,  and hold on tight. 


    I give my life in God's hand once again, and trust him not to give me more then I can handle.  I choose to trust.  And believe that God's plan is the perfect one. 

Comments (2)

  • Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry you're going through these struggles.  I realize that you don't know me...I'm new here.  But, please accept a kind word from a stranger.  I hope that things are looking up soon.  Your pictures of your children are absolutely precious.  I have some little munchkins of my own...and another one on the way!

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