August 21, 2003

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  Uploading a fair picture.  There's the babyK girl.  I've been trying to break myself of calling her that, but everyone assures me its impossible.  *snicker*  So maybe I should just give up.  I mean EVERYONE calls her that.

  
  

  I am fluctuating between moods these days.  up, down, and mostly exhausted.  Of course functioning on little sleep isn't helping.  Kaylin, Jamari, Zeria, and Rainee all have varying degrees of snotty noses, and coughs.  So far Rainee's has stayed out of her lungs.  I can't say the same for Kaylin and Zeria however.  Needless to say...I did a lot of coughing patrol.

  
  

  I gave somebody advice at their xanga site last night, and then realized I wasn't practicing it.  I get a day or two like this and I tend to hide from xanga.  And come back when I'm up.  Or wait until I'm to the point of melt down and then vent violently.  I tend to avoid the reality of life.  I'm afraid I'm gonna drive somebody away with my whines.  And then I realized.  This is my place to whine.  *snicker*  And if that's what I need I'm gonna do it.    (so there)

  
  

  So consider me whiny

  
  

  I've been doing research on Chronic Fatigue and fibromyalgia at my hubbies request.  And well I meet every single one of the symptoms.  Things that make me go hmmmmmmm.  Now I realize life has been hectic lately.  But when I'm not even capable of sitting at the computer I no something is wrong with me.  And yesterday quite frankly for 90% of the day the computer was overwhelming. 

  
  

  I sat and stared.  I didn't have the energy to read a book.  I didn't have the energy to go swimming with the kids, or even sit on the shore.  I did 100% of nothing.  Except for dragging Kaylin to the doctor to get something for her extremely snotty nose which has been that way for a month. 

  
  

  That was ALL I did of profit.   Finally last night after the kids got in bed I wrote some posts and had a bit of fun.  But I didn't clean, or pick up, or you know the normal kinda mom things that 99% of the moms in the world do.  And this is the way I continue to be. 

  
  

  I have washed dishes twice probably in the last nine months.  DH or sis has done them.  I've folded possibly 6 loads of laundry in that amount of time as well.   I have done little or nothing except watch my kids.  Which many would argue is a full time job.  *snicker*  But all the moms of many I've talked to manage to get more done then what I've been doing.  And I've been completely unable.

  
  

  My thyroid levels are fine.  So its not that.  I'm far enough away from having Rainee that my body should be mostly recovered, and I'm not.  Soooooooo the question remains what's wrong with me. 

  
  

  And I'm beginning to lean towards the above two mentioned words.  It doesn't change anything it just kind of gives me an answer.

  
  

  And makes me get more eager to get the hot tub set up.  Because I know if I could get out of pain it would help, and the hot tub is a instant pain remover for me.  Sooooo  just got to get digging!     And maybe that step will help.  Every little improvement helps right?  I sure hope it does.  Cause I'm needing it.

  • 9:51 am
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