March 17, 2003

• Random thoughts coming from crazy lady. ROFL

  
  

  Rainee has spent a great deal of her morning chasing the kitty cat.  Its been immensely funny.  All she can do is scoot.  So she scoots as fast as she can growling and talking to the kitty the whole time.  The kitty stays still just in time for her to reach and grab its tail, and off the cat goes.  *grin*  She's never gonna win, but hey she's having fun. 

  
  

  Depression/anxiety.  Have you had a friend who struggles with it.  If you do give them a big hug for me today.  It is a never ending battle of ups & downs.  And just when you think you've gotten the wretched thing beat, a BIG down comes along and slaps you in the face.   Its  a constant struggle/war/exhaustion.  And my family is along for the ride.  My dh is so gracious in dealing with it, much more gracious then I would probably be. 

  
  

  One step at a time.

  
  

  Today it is GORGEOUS outside, and I think we're probably gonna go somewhere and play in it.

  
  

  DH and I choose to live in a 100 year old house with MANY idiosyncresies.  We choose to have a lawn that has holes in it, and a driveway thats filled with mud.  Its not quite white trash, but some days it goes over the border ROFL.  We have old cars with 100,000 plus miles on them.  All so we can play together.  It's a priority to both of us to play, and we have a lot of fun doing it.  Hikes, bike rides, explorations, and mud puddles,  God made this world we're gonna enjoy it!

  
  

  Onto one last random thought.  Having 5 kids is proving to be a challenge in a area I didn't anticipate somehow.  Its the constant knowledge that my kids are an exhaustion and burden to other people when I go somewhere with them.  Its kinda hard to explain.  Its just that people give me this look like "Do you have to have them here."   And its irritating as heck.   I'm still working through this irritation, and trying to learn how to handle it.   My 5 year old wants me to stay at birthday parties with her still, she gets nervous and shy and scared.  She has anxiety attacks for crying out loud.  Most moms would just stay.  I however come with 4 other children.  So do I pay a baby sitter that can stay with the other kiddos.  Well thats not a good option I'd go broke.    Other moms would just bring their one toddler.  Well I don't have one toddler I have 2 toddlers, one scooter, and one preschooler.   And I feel like I need to apologize for it.  I did NOT choose this life, it was chosen for me, and I still need to be a mom to all of my kiddos in the process.    Trying to figure out a solution here, but I don't see one yet. 

  • 11:01 am
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