January 25, 2003
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Good morning
Well so today should go back to normal. BUT what my friend is normal. I remember having long complicated and fairly hillarious discussions about normal. And if my weirdness is normal then I'm normal kinda discussions. Confused thats okay the conversations weren't exactly rational, and ironically enough we were all sober 'cause we were at a Christian college. snicker
Okay on that note. I'm struggling with what is normal around here. We've been desperately trying to achieve normal ever since Rainee was born. Normal right now seems like an unachievable goal, knowing that Rainee has something wrong with her heart, and waiting to find out when it can be fixed. So I guess we'll try survival again. I'm so tired of survival, but I guess it keeps life "intresting". I'm also kinda tired of intresting.
I'm moved beyond denial to anger. This may or may not be good. I'm not lashing out at my kids or anything, I'm just sooooo frustrated for Rainee. Can't she have normal? And I start envisioning her under anesthesia again and I want to scream and cry. The fact that they tape her little eyes shut to protect them during the procedure etc, etc. I can only think about it so long before i panic, and try to move on. But moving on is also a hard one. Because in order to move on you have to LEAVE the obstacle behind. And right now I can't. The obstacle is my daughter, and well she kinda stuck with me.
As each time i pick her up I have to evaluate how she's feeling, whether her breathing is better, worse, the same. Is her color good, etc. Gotta love this life.
And so I continue taking one step at a time patiently hoping that I can conquer this obstacle, and that my daughter can conquer it too.
Comments (6)
no words, only a listening heart.
If you figure out what "NORMAL" is, please let me know.... we need a lot of "NORMAL" around here also..
Glad to hear that the drs are finding answers instead of more questions.
Normal...Maybe....I will pray that things will be even better than normal for you
It will get better...that's all I can think to say.
I have no idea what "normal" is anymore either, I guess we just have to find the closest we can get and work with that. 
And I have a question for you...aren't you a member at some parenting/moms boards besides the one we talked about before (which I can't find now. lol) I'm looking for a new one and need some suggestions.
I saw your post on BF.com so I came here to reply (i'm um... banned there) Anyway...
Ryan had a PDA. Fortunately his closed, but we did talk to the pediatric cardiologist. She said the surgery is EXTREMELY minor. They made a small cut under the arm and insert it that way. Everything that is done is completely OUTSIDE of the heart. If i can be of any help, or you just want to talk, you can email me anytime.
Good luck and prayers to you and your family.
Rest in the fact that our God will never challenge us with something he knows we can't handle. Be still and know that He is God and He holds you and all of your family safely in the palm of His hand!
Praying for you!
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