May 7, 2002
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The pictures speak for themselves
My favorite is Kaylin holding Rainee. She's finally figured out that having a little sister is very cool. She's also learned a new very powerful word
SHARE! She uses this whenever I have something she wants. HEHEHEHEHE. She came in tonight to my bedroom and said Sha! SHa! I didn't have anything that I could see she would want. Then she touched Rainee (whom I was holding) and patted her lap and said Sha! Sha! That was when I let her hold her and we took the pictures. Too cute
Zeria has been asking the most complicated questions lately. I think I'm gonna have to invest in an encyclopedia to answer them all. If she's asking these at 4....I'm in SOOOOOOOOO much trouble when she gets older. Todays ??? Mommy, do spiders have eyes? (Compliments of her knowing we'd gone to spiderman--and the spider that was crawling on their swing set
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Samuel? Well, he's just goofy. Last night when the baby sitter served pizza and they prayed for dinner. Part of his prayer (according to the babysitter) Was, Dear God, please help mom and dad find fruit snacks tonight. BWAHAHAHA We know his priorities.
Jamari? He's gonna be my explorer. He has major wanderlust whenever he's outside, oh is he gonna wear me out this summer. Fortunately daddy's still the one chasing him right now. HEHEHE
Well thats the quick update of my munchkins. I hope you enjoy the pictures.
Now, onto my reasons for Paxil. Not that I need to justify them, but for some reason I still feel I need to. Go figure. I only have a prescription for 2 months. I will NOT take it longer then that. My midwife wouldn't want me to.
Friday afternoon I had a panic attack. I've never had one like this. I found myself crying "I can't, I can't, I can't" for over 10 minutes. It was NOT pretty. Fortunately I was in the bedroom and my children missed out on it. My husband unfortunately did NOT. I had NO control. Eventually I got myself back down off the ceiling and remembered............"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That evening I had another milder reaction about the similar topic.
I have always struggled on & off with depression. Since getting my thyroid diagnosed 98% of it has gone away. With the hormone stuff being where its at and the blood level being where its at. The struggle has been fierce again. Only this time things are different. I am the mother of a 4.5 year old, a almost 4 year old (end of this month) a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and a newborn. I do NOT have the ____________ to give into the depression. You fill in the blank. Yes, I have another week to heal. And I'm EXTREMELY grateful for it.
But, that does NOT mean things are gonna be 100% immediately. I'm still gonna be struggling. And if there's a way to help me stay a little bit even keeled while I get over the worst of the post-partum crud taking it seemed best for my family and for me.
My husband has been a SAINT! He has done everything in this house for the last 2.5 weeks, and will continue to do so until next Wednesday. And has already told me he will continue to do all the housework as long as I deem necessary. I'm so greatful for this and for him. Our anniversary is the 15th. We will have been married 3 years. 3 years is such an incredibly short time.
And he has put up with a LOT. Its time that we all have a little break from the dramatic. My midwife has given me a very small dose of paxil. She said that all it will do is lessen the lows and lessen the highs. And quite frankly I NEED that right now. My family needs it.
Their are other issues that I'm not comfortable sharing that are swirling around. (Having to do with extended family) I can't reveal them because I do NOT want to invade their privacy. Life has been complicated around here to say the least.
Do I feel defensive for this choice? NOPE! I feel incredibly at peace for making this decision. The most peace I've felt since this whole thing began. I had prayed a LOT about asking my midwife for it when I hit my 6 week checkup.....thinking that I would not be seeing her before then. And asked God to allow me to see her if I needed help sooner. He allowed it. And she was wonderful! She let me cry, told me it was okay to cry. Gave me a hug & kiss, and said you will make it. I'm not taking this medication to stop the tears. I hope I still have some. I'm not afraid of tears. I'm afraid of the anger/panic I will have when I'm back in charge of my children.
Father God, I thank you so much for M visiting with me yesterday. I ask that you continue to allow me to heal in your time. I thank you for peace, and pray that you will allow me to continue to work through things at your pace. In your sons name Amen
Comments (17)
I love the pictures.
I pray I have the courage to seek help if/when I really need it.
Oooo, and all that hair she has.... such a little sweetie!! God bless!!
You know my stance on the whole medication issue. I have never had a pnic attack, but have witnessed a couple, and sometimes medication is the answer to help you work through them. I am praying that this will help you recover. You don't have to be superwoman. Take things one day at a time.
you're a strong woman. god bless you.
excellent. I'm so proud of you.
{{{{{{{{Tonia}}}}}}}}
OMG!!! they're all adorable! god bless them all! & bout the dpression,,,Im goin thru the same thing,,,& ur right! it aint good AT ALL! well,,,hope u feel alot better by 2morrow
XS,,,i have new pix(special link) at my site. pls come check it out!
Thank you for sharing the wonderful pictures. You have a beautiful family! Maemae is right, you don't have to be superwoman. Panic attacks can be scary, but they're a sign that you're healing. Taking medicine sounds like the right thing to do. Each day at a time, you'll start to feel stronger and more together. Happy anniversary in advance!
All of your children are so beautiful, you are so incredibly blessed to have them in your life. And you are blessed with an unbelievable husband! Remember your blessings and what you ahve and you can get through anything
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Your children are just adorable! What a blessing they must be to you every day!
My thoughts and prayers are with you in relation to the panic attacks. I know just how those can be. God bless!
Wonderful pictures. What treasures!
What an adorable photo..and a sweet story to go along with it.. you take the meds... If YOU and the DOC agree that they are needed right now.. take them damnit... you NEED your sanity for your family.. hugs, Kimber
Wonderful pictures.
You do not ever need to justify the medication...except maybe to yourself...I know I did.
You know that I have been down that road, and you also know how to find me if you ever want to talk about it. ((((Hugs))))
Beautiful pictures.
Thank you for sharing about the meds, I suspect I'll need some after the baby, based on how I'm feeling BEFORE the baby.
Rainee looks like she's growing up already!! Beautiful pictures!!
Are those panick attacks.... or are it attacks of doubting yourself, your abilities to cope?
Since I've been reading your blog, I feel you underestimate yourself and at times you make yourself believe it.
You can do it..... YOU CAN!!!
I've had my 8 kids in a very short span of time, and I know what it can do with a woman...........
Trust yourself, trust the people around you, and trust the children........ trust God.......
The priority is in trusting.... and then feeling and knowing..........
Don't look back.... go on....
Take what comes on your path and work with it, through it.
At times you are proud.... and you should be... all is going well, and you deserve it.
The kids are lovely..... just lovely...............
I love seing the pics of the newest little angel...She is so precious...Love seing the pics...The kids are all thriving with your love and care..
hugles,
rubymoon
WHAT A DOLL!!! She's absolutely precious! Praying for you, concerning the anxiety and depression. Ugh.. I know what that feels like! My niece was on Paxil and it REALLY helped her. Hope you find relief soon.
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