April 23, 2002

• My very first picture of Rainee......I.V and oxygen box. 

  
  

  

  
  

  A body shot of Rainee before her flying out....

  
  

  

  
  

  Saying goodbye to Rainee all strapped up....

  
  

  

  
  

  Nursing Rainee the first time at Childrens

  
  

            

  
  

  Peaking at mommy

  
  

       

  
  

  Daddy and Rainee....

  
  

                       

  
  

  Sunday morning we headed over to Childrens.  I of course getting the wheel chair ride.  Thats ok couldn't hardly walk anyhow.  I'm amazing unsore.  But shaky. 

  
  

  Bil and sis load me up and off we go.  Stopping for more cash, and pop.  We have to take the ferry.  And my bladder is full.  I HAVE to use a bathroom.  Forget that ferry has elevator.   Climb the stairs.  Oy was that exhausting.  Sis remembers the elevator so we take that on the way down (phew)

  
  

  Drive is uneventful.  We get to the hospital and get lost in the parking lot.    But eventually find Rainee and Rob.  I immediately sit down to hold her.  Sis takes one picture and then heads out.  There headed to the zoo.  I remember afterwards I didn't share Rainee or let her hold her.  Oh well...I told Rob I wasn't sharing Rainee for a good month.  He said that would be fine. 

  
  

  I held her and loved her.  She began to fuss, and all my instincts want to nurse her.  But I'm so terrified that after being away so long this won't go well.  I hesitate and finally just do it.  It wasn't the worlds greatest nurse...but she did it.  I relax a bit.  We can do this.  But in some strange way Rainee still doesn't feel like mine.   I touch her brow, her face, kiss her, talk to her, and get the crack in my throat wanting to cry.  But the hospital room we're in is so NOT private.  There are 4 other babies in there in varying stages of recovery/illnesses.  No walls, just curtains and about a 3 foot space that is "ours".   It will be home for the next 24 hours. 

  
  

  Eventually my exhaustion catches up with me.  There's  a new moms room.  I drag my body there with a walkman of praise music that my sister had brought me at my request.    I sit down realize I have no blanket.  Too tired to care.  Put the walkman on and fall asleep.  Sleep for an hour or more.  NOt really sure how long.  Things are so vague. 

  
  

  Head back over to Rainee in the afternoon.  We nurse again this is a fairly good nurse.  I'm relaxing a bit with her.  Rob goes and finds me Ibuprofen.  Was supposed to bring some from hospital but they got us out in such a hurry we forgot

  
  

  My back is starting to kill me.  The "bed/cot/chair" thingy is AWFUL!!   But no other options.  I lay down on my side and snuggle Rainee we fall asleep for awhile.  The nurses here are awesome. 

  
  

  Her hand has a iv in it.  It bugs her because she wants the thumb that is wrapped up in it.  She has a callous on her lip from sucking in utero.  I strip her naked to see what she looks like.  Flip her upside down she has a birthmark on her neck like Kaylin.  Tickle her toes, impress myself on her.  She's mine, but I know so little of her. 

  
  

  Eventually we eat dinner.  Hospital food.  BLUCHKY.  Different hospital same bluchky food.  But I'm ravenous and craving meat so I eat it anyhow.  LOL   

  
  

  Remember what my midwife said Saturday night about hospital food in her attempts to distract me when I was very down.  She said there's a secret base somewhere in Idaho or Utah with convicts working.  They make this very special spice that is sold to all hospitals/college campuses/public school cafeterias.  It is designed to make the food taste all alike.    This apparently is her husbands pet theory.  I think Rob and I agree.

  
  

  Rainee is doing extremely well.  The nurse keeps saying you can suppliment if you want to.  #4a@#*$(@&#($*@#&(8  i KNOW how wrong she is.  And just keep my mouth shut.  I will not mess with the supply.  Its bad enough she had to have a bottle the first 24 hours of her life.  Was it only 24 hours seemed like a year or 10.

  
  

  New nurse comes on.  She is MUCH more knowledgable about nursing moms.  And is fairly helpful.  She suggests I continue to pump as well as sometimes babies like this have weak suck.  I pump and get 2 ounces.  Very excited as I hadn't had much before this.  She suggests we give this in a supplimental.  I try it...but not really impressed.  I feel she is nursing/sucking enough on her own not to mess with it.  I had asked for a LC consult.  They paged, called her 3x but she never shows.  Today (at home)  I have one coming .

  
  

  I'm still nervous about the nursing, because she's not nursing very long at all.

  
  

  Then the bad news comes.  Only one parent can spend the night.  *sigh*  Rob and I will be seperated again.  I'm the one nursing.  So I stay.  Rob heads off to find a hotel.   About 11 Rainee is very awake for the first time.  I latch her on and she truely latches on for the first time.  And sucked and sucked and sucked.  We nursed for an hour.  I was ecstatic.  I could hear her swallowing the whole time.   

  
  

  The night is a long one.  Alarms constantly going off.  Everytime I nurse Rainee her iv goes off & off & off.  We keep getting it accluded.  As she doesn't really nead it...just saline to keep it going the second time I just tell the nurse I am not unlatching this baby.  She doesn't argue.  LOL

  
  

  The other alarms for the babies go off.  beep, beep, beep.  I finally get a couple hours of sleep, nurse and then a couple more hours.  Rob shows up at 7 am.  I am in PAIN (back)  and exhausted.  But holding on because the doctor has said if the lung exray is clear we can go home. 

  
  

  Intern shows up says we're waiting for xray, but you can go home as we don't anticipate it showing up too much.  Rob and I have already decided we ARE going home with/without dr consent. Baby is fine.  Which is a MAJOR miracle.

  
  

  Eventually they do xray the spot is COMPLETELY gone.  The doctor says maybe the previous xrays were flukes.  We believe in miracles.  Should have said so...but we were just glad it was over.

  
  

  She mentions that Rainee's heart is slightly enlarged...but it may be a xray fluke.  She will pass this onto the ped.  I stuff this and choose not to here it.  I know that the multiple US I had never showed anything.  And will cross that bridge if/when we ever have to.

  
  

  Car is already loaded.  We wait for the discharge papers.  say goodbye to our nurses who were sooooooo nice.  And wheelchair me out.  As their is NO way I could walk that far anyhow. 

  
  

  We are on our way HOME!!!!!!

  
  

  To be continued................

  • 11:57 am
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