February 17, 2002

• Good morning.....I'm currently slogging through Numbers which btw is so NOT my favorite book of the Bible LOL....But I was struck by this thought from Numbers 11...."¹The people soon began to complain to the LORD about their hardships; and when the LORD heard them, his anger blazed against them."

  
  

  When your kids start whining how do you respond.  Oh I'm sure it just thrills you with joy.  NOT!  Well God is the exact same way....he gets angry when we complain. 

  
  

  In the commentary that went with the reading they reminded me of a verse in Hebrews that says something to the extent that if you have food & clothing be content.  (Sorry no reference right now) 

  
  

  And it struck me when I look at the air holes in my house to the outside...I should be greatful I have a roof that keeps me dry.  When I look at my 100 year old wood floor with all the dings & scratches, I should be glad I HAVE a floor.

  
  

  When I look at my screaming child I should be greatful that I have children   As many such as AlexiaH are unable to have them from their womb.  And I have been blessed by having them that way, and by raising someone elses children as well. 

  
  

  When I want to ring my hubby's scrawny little neck for something that he left undone or unsaid...I should be greatful for ALL the things he does do. 

  
  

  Now the question comes in here...if I take these attitudes does it mean that I should never take my troubles to God?  NO definitely it does NOT mean that.

  
  

  INSTEAD of complaining about those problems however, I should be saying.....My child is screaming God...could you show me why?  And help me to fix the problem.    My house is cold Lord, could you give us the ability to warm it up.  etc, etc

  
  

  As I mentioned yesterday I find the verse James 1:4 so incredibly comforting.  "If any of you lacks wisdom let him ASK God who gives generously to all WITHOUT finding fault."    God's not gonna say to me hey you dummy, I showed you how to deal with this problem yesterday, and the day before and the day before   He WILL give wisdom and he will do it without finding fault. 

  
  

  Case in point.  My first month with Jamari was HELL.  I'm sorry it was.  I hid a lot of it, as I just didn't want you to know the feelings I felt in dealing with him.   God put too people in my life who understood WHERE I was coming from.  My mom & my midwife.  My mom because she has a child who was given to her when the timing didn't seem "right" to her...and has struggled.  The midwife well because guess what??  She has adopted children too.   And she had one who didn't bond quickly with her.  And allowed me to vent at an appointment without condemnation.  BTW I don't think that was in her job description   And go figure when I first met this midwife I didn't like her much, but she gave me sanity when I needed it the most.   

  
  

  Anyhow this week Jamari digressed.  And Thursday night found him screaming for 2 hours.  Now mind you it wasn't the 4 hours he screamed the first month, but it was still hard.  And I was exhausted and convinced once again he hated me etc, etc etc.  And yes, I was angry at him...and the momentary thought flits across my mind that "you should just go back from where you came from"  (Of course I would NEVER do that...but it was still there for a second.)    And Friday I was just exhausted from dealing with Thursday.  All I did was sleep & stare, stare & sleep.  And crawled into my own little world of misery.  I went to bed at 7:30 at night and slept the whole night with only getting up twice...a MAJOR accomplishment when your 30 weeks prego     And as I crawled into bed that night I remembered my verse from James once again and prayed HARD about how to deal with Jamari. 

  
  

  Claimed the verse about wisdom and said well God you said it SO prove it   Not necessarily the best way to pray but it works LOL

  
  

  Well yesterday Jamari woke up happy and stayed happy all day.  He was sweet and back to his personality that he had had before this week.  He even made some improvements in that he came over to me asking for stuff which up until this point he has not done. 

  
  

  I didn't ask God to give Jamari a personality change, I asked for the wisdom to deal with him....but God gave me a miracle instead   And I'm not complaining    At the moment he is standing by my chair smiling & banging on me.  A first!!!  He's played around me, but not with me unless I initiate it...today he initiated.   Baby steps.....and God's answered prayer

  
  

  Bonding with Jamari reminds me of learning to nurse Kaylin.  Two steps forward one step back.  And kaylin and I struggled for over 10.5 months before we completely figured it out and learned to do it with joy.  And yep I leaned on God HARD.  But you know what I treasure the time with Kaylin SOOO much more because I WORKED for it, rather then it coming naturally.  So I know that Jamari & I will have a special relationship different from any of my other children because we've had to work so stinking hard to get this far.   

  
  

  Oh and I'm so glad he's little and we're doing this now instead of when he's a teenager lol.  Cause he's still cute

  
  

  Father God, I thank you for the attitude change in Jamari and for the baby steps he continues to take in deciding that I'm safe and I am mom.  I ask for your continued wisdom in dealing with each member of my family.  And KNOW that you are indeed the truely wise one.    I ask for energy for Rob today, and strength for me in your sons name amen

  • 11:14 am
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