oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I want something to happen VERY badly now! 

I was just talking to a online friend.  One I've met in real life.  In a small world coincidence we found out her ils live about a mile from our house. 

And at Christmas time I got to meet her.

They are dreaming of buying a house next door to their 'ils.  Do you know how incredibly cool that would be?????

They homeschool, she breastfeeds (en)  and oh oh oh  Do You think I could pray it happens MUCH faster then their time plan  

Don't worry I will be   so there Leasha

The joy of the Lord is my strength!

Today was a good day.  And God DID give me a clean slate.  Man am I greatful for miracles   I did not vent  or loose it, and all was resolved quickly with dh.  God DOES answer prayer.  Thanks   Today was a gorgeous day.  And we played outside a great deal of it.  Do you see those 2 little dots in this picture???    The littlest one is Kaylin...she was going hiking.  BY herself!!!  Zeria went up and brought her back down the hill.  She is getting entirely too brave.  I'm getting so ready for our fence to be built.    She has her mommy & daddy's love for the woods let me tell you.   This picture is about 800 feet from our driveway (or so)  straight up the hill.  She was in my sight at all times...but still made me nervous lol.

It may have been sunny...but it was COLD this morning.  Take note of the lovely frost all over the trampoline.

This afternoon we decided to go play in the sun at my moms house.     Oh man it hasn't been that nice since September. 

And one last goofy picture for the road...this is Kaylin learning to skate...with a skate 6 sizes too big for her.  hehehehe

Good morning.  Yes it IS a good morning.  I'm having a hard time convincing myself.

Yesterday was such a fun day.  And things went quite well.  I was in a good mood most of the day.  The kids were fun to be around etc, etc.

And today I'm a pregnant b****.   I haven't shown it (yet)  but I just feel it seething inside me.  I hate the feeling.  I keep praying and praying and praying.  And so far the feeling is just there.

Of course lets see the fact that I didn't sleep much last night didn't help.  And it was no ones fault but my own.

And the fact that dh got mad at me last night and went to sleep before it was resolved didn't help. 

And when I tried to resolve it this morning he initially lied to me and said he wasn't mad...which then made me think I'd dreamed it all up.    doesn't help. 

Can I go back and do the last 12 hours over again?

Oh that's what forgiveness is about huh?  A clean slate.  What I need right now is for a really big tide to come in and wash away the foot print mistakes away so I can start over.

Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me.  Psalms 51

Beauty in the winter......

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Remember, in the mundane of life, the moans and groans.  There's always a bright spot, something to make you smile....IF YOU LOOK FOR IT. 

Good morning.   

Today started out much better then yesterday, for which I am very greatful.  I woke up in a good mood yesterday, walked out to face my family and things just kinda fell apart.  Gotta love pregnancy hormones.  And a busy life. 

It was gorgeous and the kids played outside a LOT.   Jamari thoroughly enjoyed wandering around although he got cold fast which isn't suprising as it was freeeeeezing even though so beautiful.   The big kids left the trampoline alone long enough that I could put Kaylin up to jump by herself.  She actually learned how to jump.  And thought that was very cool    The big kids were then mad that I wouldn't let them on with her.  But they jump too high and she can't stand up.  And they were not even remotely intrested in the trampoline until I came over and stood by it.  Go figure.

Rob and I almost ended up going to sleep at 6 pm last night.  I had taken Jamari in there for some one on one time..and he crawled in with me...and if it hadn't a been for a teensy bit of will power we both would have been out for the night.  Wow are we wuss's.  What happened to the nights we'd stay up late talking.    Oh that's right that's when we only had 2 kids.  hehehehehe

We made it all the way until 9 pm before we went to bed.  Had to watch Jag.  It and Andromeda are the only tv we watch together as a couple.  Now if he didn't work Wednesday nights we'd definitely watch Enterprise together instead I watch it solo..sniff sniff sniff.  We're both big trekys. 

I'm making a concientious effort to not give into tears today.  Its gonna be hard work.  I'm just so stinking emotional when I'm pregnant, and its getting worse as I hit 32 weeks today.  Of course a lot of that might be because my darling baby dropped.  And so I'm walking around with a bowling ball between my legs banging on my pelvic bones.  My pelvic bones never did forgive me for being pregnant with Kaylin....so I definitely am in PAIN.    My contractions are staying at bay for which I'm very greatful.  And have permission from the midwife to start some mild stretches.  I did some last night and they helped a LOT.   Now to get dh to reinflate the #$@*&( birthing ball that will NOT hold air.  Because I know that would help too.    He patched it...but well as patches go that one fell off 30 seconds after he was done inflating it.  *sigh*

My sister brought over all of her sons grown-out of clothes.  Some of which had been Samuels.  For Jamari.  So I don't think Jamari's gonna need clothes for a LONG time.  Her son just grew too fast to wear anything out or even get it remotely stained.   He was 9'5 at birth....and at just barely two years of age is now in 4T clothes

AAAAAAAAAACK  Mrs. Moore I just left comments on your blog about snow...and look out my window and its snowing.  no, no, no, no, no...go away!!!!     HMMMM maybe I won't be doing an adventure with the kids today.  Though I'm sure if I get a half a mile down the hill the snow will be ALL gone.

Ok this blog has floated around all over the place   I'm reading  Numbers right now.  And anybody whose read that book knows it just goes on & on with details.  I'm so NOT a detail person.  But you know I'm slowly learning God is.  And if your struggling with the details of how to make something work...asking God for help is the quickest way to solve that dilema.    He does care about the small things like do you leave the kids with dh, or take them with you, or do you go to this store first or that.  The little things matter to God.  And boy does that make me feel special

Father God, I thank you for this day.  I ask that you would allow it to go smoothly no matter what goes on in it.  I thank you for the energy to face this day, and ask for the endurance to deal with all unforseen things.  In your sons name, Amen

Thou shalt not covet

Good morning.  We had a wonderful date night last night.  Went out to Downriggers a restaurant sitting on the bay.  Watched the sun setting on Mount Baker and the Cascades and the boats going back and forth in the Harbor.  The waitress was wonderful, unintrusive, and just kept filling the water and coffee.   We enjoyed ourself so much and had ordered small enough meals that we also indulged in desert.  Peanut butter torte for me...and some  sort of sinful chocolate cake for Rob.  It was very relaxing.

Then we went grocery shopping   Ok I know kinda way to ruin a romantic mood...but it sounded much much more relaxing then taking 4 kids with us today lol.  And there's nothing like the parade we make when we go.  2 kids running free.  2 kids squished in one cart, and another cart so loaded with groceries it starts to loose groceries all over the store as we progress towards the counter.  I only go shopping once every two weeks...so it makes for an adventure

After the lovely grocery store we went on to Wal-mart.  Where I buy my diapers as their much cheaper there.  My energy was waning, so didn't wander around too much, but did buy a few extra die cuts for my scrapbooking   And new batterys for my camera.  (finally).

After the grocery store we went and did the splurge and the thing I kept saying thou shalt not covert too.  We had called ahead to my parents and asked if we could use their hot tub.  Oh man was it nice.  It made us completely forget the intermittent grocery shopping~~except for the fact we had to bring all the stupid groceries in when we were done     I can't stay long in the hot tub because of being pregnant...had already discussed how long with the midwife etc.  But oh oh oh was it heavenly.  For 10 whole minutes all my aches and pains were GONE.  And I didn't feel like a walrus.     And that lovely feeling stayed with me for quite awhile afterwards too.     

We have a lovely private spot all picked out on our property for a hot tub.  Right outside our french doors in our bedroom.    Oh I can't wait.   Because, then we can "really" enjoy ourselves.  Couldn't "truely" enjoy ourselves at my parents, cause your never sure which sibling is gonna pop around the corner for a visit hehehehe.  So we were very good  

But the joy of sitting in the hot water watching the stars last night...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh   I'll hold onto that for a few days.  And we may have started a new end of the night date ritual too. 

Father God, thank you so much for the relaxing evening last night it was wonderful.  And felt so rewarding.  I pray today that we would enjoy our kids and find fun things to do with them without over doing it.  I ask that Jamari would continue to well today, and that we would practice your love today.  In your sons name, Amen

Good afternoon.

Had to leave early for a midwife appointment so no early morning blog this morning.

Zeria has been having a bit of a rough go of it lately.  And has started wetting her pants once or twice a day.  My modem operendi has been NOT to make a big deal of it.  But she actually wet at church yesterday which she hasn't done since she was 2.      And last night she wandered out of bed needing to go "potty" 4x in a half hour period.  And then claiming she'd had a bad dream (after having been in bed for less then 10 minutes. 

I looked at her and said..."Did you know that you are my very first daughter."  I waited a long time for you and I love you very much.   You are very important to me.  And God WILL keep you safe.  She got a big grin on her face and headed back to bed WITHOUT being told.  (which has never happened before lol)  So I decided that somebody was feeling neglected.

I can't exactly blame her.  She's self-reliant.  She dresses herself, picks up after herself, etc etc.  And as a result when there's 2 babies screaming, she gets a bit neglected.  So we had a wonderful time this morning.   And om goodness the questions a 4.5 year old can ask when she's got uninterrupted time with mommy   We covered everything from the speed of jet engines to who Lincoln was.   

Oh yes, and yesterday on the way to church Samuel, Zeria and mommy discussed in great detail what a cervix was.  ROFL  I KNOW my mom didn't have that discussion with me...she would have freaked if she knew I KNEW that word at that age. 

Baby in my womb is doing just fine.  Nice active heart rate.  130-140.  I have gained exactly NO weight this pregnancy I lost 12 first trimester and have slowly gained almost back to where I started from.  So that equals out as ZERO lol.   Now KNOWING I lost 30 pounds the second Kaylin was born I keep dreaming how this is gonna look after this baby is born  

Jamari is still happy.  3 days of happiness.  We're sure its the reflux meds working.    Which relieves me greatly.  And makes me breathe, and realize he wasn't "hating me" etc, etc.      Got to call and make a Dr's appointment for him, to get refills for it etc.  And to have his healthy baby check-up.

Father God, I thank you for this day.  I ask for your help with the rest of it.  I ask that you would help me to rise above my back pain, and continue to enjoy my family.  In your sons name, Amen

Good morning.  The evening wake-up babies last night were Zeria (leg-ache)  and Jamari  (tippy cup).  Didn't last too long, so all and all I felt like we had a reasonable nights sleep.

Jamari was sweet allllllllllllllllllllll day yesterday.  I'm hoping this means the reflux medicine was the magic trick.  All I know is I was extremely GREATFUL for it. 

The kids and I went outside to jump on the trampoline yesterday, but it was just too cold.  We actually got a dusting of snow yesterday afternoon.  So hopefully it will warm up soon so they can play on it.

Samuel was playing the part of a big meanie yesterday.    And kept taking Kaylin's toys and making her cry.  We're gonna be learning some sharing lessons today trust me.  I'm not gonna repeat that scenario again today.

My mind is so blank, I have no great thoughts.  lol   And nothing to whine about as my kids were 98% good yesterday.  So I guess this is a boring blog.   

Oh I did have this to say.   Rob has done very well in stopping work when the kids go to bed.  And it has been sooooooooo nice.  He is not walking on around moaning and groaning.  He's gotten to read quite a bit this week, snuggle and just rest here and there.  And the house has NOT gotten that far behind in the housework either.

Of course it helps that I've only had one day of contractions in the last two weeks.    So I've been able to wander around and do little bits.  Mostly make dinner which he hates.  Of course I haven't been doing fancy dinners, just things I can throw in the crock-pot etc. 

Last nights meal was an apparent success.  My kids haven't eaten that much in weeks lol.  It apparently was there favorite.  Sweet & sour chicken done in the crockpot & boxed stuffing.   Jamari pigged on the stuffing, and the other kids just ate and ate and ate the chicken.  I think they liked the fact that is was sooooooooo tender (too tender imo lol)  But hey they sure stuffed themselves

Father God, I thank you for yesterday being a calm day.  I ask for your strength and energy as I get the munchkins ready for church today.  I thank you so much for the day of peace yesterday with Jamari it was a wonderful break.    In your sons name, Amen

Good morning

   Well yesterday was VERY busy.  But ended up being mostly a good day.  Rob & Jamari and I drove into go pick up the new (to us)  trampoline.  We borrowed my mom's truck to do this, and she volunteered at the last minute to keep the older munchkins.  So Jamari and mommy and dad had a nice quiet drive.   He was soooooooo excited when we pulled in our driveway and thought he was home.  It was very cute.

Unfortunately however we were just gonna unload the trampoline and take the truck back to my moms.   It was raining elephants and giraffes & log trucks, so we thought it would be better to leave Jamari in the truck warm and dry in his car seat.   WE unloaded the trampoline and were discussing setting it up.  And he started crying.  He completely freaked about being left in the truck.  40 minutes later he stopped crying.     After we cuddled, and soothed, and rocked, and sang and....you get the picture.    I understood the crying, but oy does he have a good set of lungs. 

When I got to my moms I heard she was going into town.  So I decided to go along with her and take her out for lunch.  It was a nice outing.  And when she dropped me off at our house her and Rob set up the trampoline while my kids played in our very full ditches.  Jamari just cuddled with me in the sling.   They had WAY WAY too much fun splashing in those very fast running 4 inch deep ditches.     And oy were they dirty.  There outdoor coats will never be the same    Of course the water play only lasted so long before they were all freezing and cold. 

So I put Jamari in his crib as he'd fallen asleep, and took the big kids to the tub.  More water play .  And oh my did the house look like one big puddle.  But hey they were having a riot. 

Just after I'd gotten them in clean, dry clothes Rob & mom came in to say the trampoline was set up.  Sooooooooooooooo  we had to go try it out rain & all.  Can we say MORE dirty laundry   Oh well, the kids loved it.   We didn't play too long though as it was getting late in the afternoon, and just entirely too wet out there lol.

Probably we'll bundle up and go play on it again.  I love things that make kiddos tired  

Sorry no pictures.  I need to get a new battery for my camera, and its a special trip...and just didn't have time to do it yesterday.  It takes lithium batterys and I can't find them anywhere....*sigh*

Jamari is actually playing on the floor by himself today.  WOO HOO!!!!   This makes mommy very very happy.  I hope it means today will be easier.   

Okay gotta get off....you KNOW your daughter needs a diapy change when she comes & holds a diaper out to you.  ROFL.  Wandering around looking for a clothespin for my nose. 

Father God, I ask for a day that honors you today.  I ask for peace in my heart as I deal with the stresses of toddlers, and the joy of finding ways to soothe sad hearts, and minds.  IN your sons name, Amen

This IS the day the Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it. 

Well I've cried again this morning.  Jamari slept through the night ALL the babies slept through the night.  So other then my many trips to the bathroom because of being prego we all slept.  This is a MAJOR praise, and answer to prayer.

Jamari woke up reasonably happy.  He played with the kids and wandered around on the floor.  This while I was still sleeping.  At 8 am I woke up walked in the room and Jamari started crying.  And cried and cried and cried.  So much for feeling good about a new day huh?     Rob took care of him, while I tried to hide the hurt feelings that I had.     I ate breakfast, and got on the puter to do my devotions.  Phone rang...had to get off it was my mom.  She found a trampoline for us (if its in good shape)  I talked to her and told her about Jamari's screaming yesterday.  I started crying.  I was holding Jamari at this point and he was reasonably calm, though not happy.    We ended up doing about 5 phone calls back and forth trying to get the trampoline thing worked out.  ETc.  

Jamari went down for a nap at 8:35 as he started getting cranky again.  He slept about 45 minutes.  I talked with my mom some more and we were coming up with game plans, well she was....mostly I was just listening.  She after all has 6 adopted kids, she must have some useful advice right   

She got off.  We were done talking.  I headed to the bedroom to get dressed.  Rob wanted to know about the conversation I started bawling AGAIN.  I cried on his shoulder and dressed at the same time.    The phone rang we ignored it.

Got back in the main part of the house it was my mom again.  She said she had one more quick thing to tell me.

Well after she got off the phone she had told my 16 year old sister (Jamari's oldest biological sister)  what was going on.  Christina said..."Mom, Jamari cries every time I've taken care of him when he goes home."  Mom says, "Why didn't you say something."  Christina says..."I didn't want to hurt Tonia's feelings."  Mom says....."Their already hurt." 

Sooooooooo scheming here and thinking that Christina has probably got a lot of the same mannerism's that her birthmom does.  voice?  smell?  who knows.  We know that Christina and her birth grandma were a LOT alike.  Pictures of her and her mom don't look much alike, but one NEVER knows what is triggering a babies memories.   All we do know is that we think Jamari grieves every time he has to leave Christina.  Probably thinks he's leaving his birthmom again.     Sooo  I'm gonna keep observing this, and Christina who is know FINALLY driving is gonna pop in and out of my house a bit more often so as to show Jamari she's in his life, and its ok if she comes & goes.

Mom also reminded me that we war not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers,  etc etc.  Sooooo continuing to pray.

As I sat down to type this blog Jamari woke up from his nap.  He was playing on the couch with daddy.  I was not gonna disturb a happy thing.  But he popped up over the couch and gave me this delicious smile.  I haven't seen one since before we went to the movies.........life might work after all.  LOL

The kids and I are gonna bundle up and go look at the trampoline.   And my 12 year old sister will come over this afternoon to play with the big kids.  I may sneak Jamari into the bedroom for some one-on-one time one of my mom's suggestions that he probably needs.  We'll see.

My contractions have stopped, this makes life MUCH easier.      And Rob is headed to work today....he's gotta do it sometimes

Sooooooooo my life continues, and I will take every minute as it comes.  If I look any further ahead I get overwhelmed.

Father God, thank you for another little insight into Jamari's life.  I ask for the strength for today.  The wisdom for today, and the ability to NOT look beyond today and panic over what "could" come tomorrow.  I ask that you would allow us to continue to break the chains of sin in our childrens lives, and to remember that you are stronger then all outside forces.  In your sons name, Amen