WOO HOO!  I got the results back from the test very quickly.  And for the next two weeks the possibility of me going into labor is VERY low   I'm allowed to do a little bit more, but take it as easy as I can.  I do NOT think I'll be taking much back.....except for allowing Kaylin to nurse when she asks.  Its been too hard to tell her no.    So much for the weaning present   Try again another day.  snicker

So I guess I'll just enjoy my irritable uterus.  *sigh*  And all the pain that goes with it, knowing I can breathe easier and not freak quite as much.   

Good morning.  Today well its a day.  No great words of wisdom to impart.  No serious whines.  Just functioning as best as possible. 

Have to go to a funeral today.  The man who died was our Christmas Grandpa.  A few years back our family felt we were missing something at Christmas time.  So my mom invited an older couple to our Christmas day.  They fit in perfectly and became our Christmas grandparents.  We visit off & on throughout the year, though not a lot.  Enjoy them at church, his wife does nursery for my kids about once a month.  But at Christmas they are "ours".  Not anymore. 

His wife is actually not that old (50's)  so I don't know what she'll be doing.  She still works, and their marriage was not your typical marriage.  It was rather a marriage of convenience.  They were friends and she lived at his house to take care of him.  OUr church didn't think it looked too good.  And asked her to either move out or get married.  They got married.  And he treated her like a princess.  Called her "my lady"  very sweet. 

I'm not sad really about his dying.  He was so miserable.  Stroke after stroke.  But I worry about his wife, and how she'll deal. 

Father God, I pray for G today at the funeral as she tries to pacify his family & her family etc.  And that she would allow herself to grieve.  In your sons name, amen

A year ago almost to the day I was randomly surfing and came upon a site that I instantly fell in love with.  Breastfeeding.com  I had never seen a online community before.  And these were moms who were struggling with similar things I was.  I met a lot of ladies that way.  And have had a lot of fun.  I met AboveRubies who now blogs under a different name.  I met Sandilyn whom also blogs.  I met KM03, who blogs here under the user name Daylesmilk.   And Daisybliss who also blogs.  (seeing a trend here )   And a LOT of other ladies. 

My favorite place to be on the net quickly became the bf.com chat room.  We had a riot there.  I hadn't had that much fun laughing since college.  We did crazy things, and tended to revert to stupid jr high jokes sometimes.  But all good clean innocent fun. 

Then things began to slide.  People began to form closer friendships in the chatroom with individuals.  I formed one myself.  (Hi Kayte)  And we chatted a little less.  We found another board to post on, and continued to joke, but cliques started forming.   I stayed friends with most, but did not chat with many very often (if ever).  But I felt I had a part invested in their lives.  And cherished the fact that they were my "first" online friends. 

As things went downhill the second board had a fight.  I do NOT know who said what about whom.  I tried valiently to stay out of it.  It was hard somedays lol.  And then a bunch of the ladies moved to a 3rd board begging me to move.  I refused.  I just didn't have the time to commit to a 3rd board.   I've heard via rumours gossip & now a BlATANT post at the 1st board that their fighting their too.   It grieves me bigtime. 

Something that was so fun & innocent has become so nasty.  WHY?  Why do we have to behave that way.  We're mothers supposedly raising a generation of children to love and respect each other.     

I only chat with one of those ladies anymore.  Though I've kept several of their user names.  Haven't had the heart to delete them keep missing the old jokes KWIM?  One of them blogs occasionally...I miss you (you know who you are).   

I don't know where this blog is going...just reminiscing about why things couldn't have stayed the same I guess.  And wishing I could shake a couple ladies heads together  

I passed the nasty orange drink test.   And the nurse was extremely sweet & realized I'd been dealing with contractions.  So went & talked to Mary the other midwife.  They decided to do my internal then & there which was VERY nice.  She checked my cervix & it has changed a little bit (though slight)  I've officially been told No sexual relations.  (poor dh)  But no bedrest (yet)  And did a fetal fibernectin test.  Which will be back in 72 hours.  The test has a less then 10% failure rate.  And what it says is IF they find this certain kind of protein then I have a high chance of going into labor in the next two weeks.  If they don't...I just have an irritable uterus, and I can breathe a little bit.   We were planning on taking it next Thursday, but they squeezed me in today, so hopefully I'll have the results Monday. 

Good morning!  It was a long day yesterday.  But today I woke up without cramps so I'm HAPPY   Gonna try to do my gestational diabetes test today.  (They told me to just give a call ahead)  So am not eating until I see if I can do it.  I flunked it last time and had to take the 3 hour one (which I passed)  I have NO DESIRE to take the 3 hour one again.  (yucky, yucky, yucky!!!)  So my midwife & nurse were coaching me on how to pass it.    

I finished my baby quilt last night.  Of course I wasn't satisfied with it.  Could you tell me when I became a perfectionist?  I never used to be.  I still may take the bottom apart and try to fix it.  Depends on my patience level tonight.  I will NOT attempt to do it when my kids are awake.  LOL  I tried to work on it yesterday when I was the crampiest I was all day.  And my seam went kinda like this

------                _________

            -------

It was NOT pretty.  So had to pull about 4 inches out again.  LOL.  So for those of you asked...here's a picture. 

Its very soft on the back which I know the baby will like.  And that's about all the positive I can about it.  I think next time I will do the liquid embroidery and I'll have my mom put the quilt together for me.  Its just not my thing.

Jamari and I made a little more headway last night.  In that I was determined NOT to put him in his head when he was screaming at me.  And determined to keep calm about his screaming.  So he screamed in my arms for 30 minutes last night.  And went to bed quiet.  He does NOT like me dressing him.  So everytime I dress him he screams cold blooded murder.  And continues to scream until he's laid in his crib for a time out.  In other words I'm NOT allowed to comfort him.

Had a antiphany about it all though.  When I got Zeria her foster mom tucked her in my car seat & said Bye Bye Zeria.  For the next two years.  We COULD NOT NOT NOT use the phrase Bye Bye or she would go hysterical on us.  When my parents got my no 10 year old sister.  She was 13 months old.  The foster mom said goodbye to her in a motel room.  (long story)  For the next 5 years EVERY single time we stayed in a motel Rissa went hysterical for hours on us.  Well guess how Jamari's foster mom said goodbye to him.  He needed a diapy change.  And she said, "Oh, I'll do it, so I can say goodbye to him."  She took him to the change room in her house, and had a nice little quiet private goodbye while changing his diaper.  Sooooooooo now  Rob is allowed to change Jamari because he is not female.  But if mommy changes him, the memory of goodbye comes back to him, and he goes hysterical.  *great*  NOT!

At least I've figured out why.  And we'll go from there.

This morning I picked him up and he screamed at me again.  But I just put him in the TIGHT hold I had him in last night and the screaming only lasted 12 minutes.  The shortest time ever.  And he was essentially my friend afterwards.  He loves to talk to me and bang on me, but he's not particularly enamored of being snuggled by me.  I will keep working on it.  But trust me it requires EVERY ounce of patience I have to do this calmly.  At least I was able to calm him.  In the past he screamed up to an hour until I laid him in the crib & walked away.  So I'd given up trying to comfort him and just went straight to the crib. 

I knew this is NOT really what I wanted for him.  I want him to be allowed to be comforted by me.  BUT, one can only take screaming so long.  Now I hold his head buried in my chest, and hold his feet so he can't kick me.  That way the screams are muffled, he's not being hurt.  And I can deal with the fuss he makes.  We'll see how it goes.  We're ALL hoping it works.  Poor Zeria was so worried about Jamari last night when he was screaming, and wanted to comfort him.  So did I.    So hopefully we're on our way over this hurdle too.

Father God, I pray that I could get the test done today, and pass it.  I ask for some good reading material today.  I thank you for my family, and for the calmness of heart you gave me in dealing with Jamari last night & this morning.  I ask that Rob will get a LOT of laundry done.  In your sons name, Amen

Well, I am very crampy this morning.  And struggling to be "joyful" about it.   A very good friend sent me some cyber chocolate.  And I really appreciated it.  Thanks Sarah

I have a full day of taking care of my kids.  With no hubby help.  And I HURT!  I think as soon as my thyroid med has had its hour (nothing to eat for an hour afterwards)  I'm gonna take some ibuprofen. 

I had a nasty nightmare last night about loosing the baby.  I'm sure due to the fact that I was crampy in my sleep.  I'm breathing...breathing...breathing.

I bought some fishing line to redo a nursing necklace that kaylin broke.   So that will be my when the kids are in bed project for the day.  I have started quilting on the baby quilt.  I was originally gonna tie it, but since I have too much time on my hands, and found myself enjoying hand sewing.  I'm quilting.  We'll see how much of it I quilt.  Its starting to look pretty good. 

Reading good books during the day time isn't a very good option.  As you read two sentences then a kid says whatcha doin' mommy?  You get the picture.  Of course it doesn't help I'm trying to read Tolkien and that requires more concentration then normal. 

Tomorrow's my run-away day.  I wasn't planning on running away.  But I think I will go for a short drive to the book-store and pick up some cheap Christian romances   They do NOT require thought, and will pass the time.  I'd go to the library, but well....we have some major fines due there, and we are so terrible about returning books, I think we've decided NO more library. 

I enjoyed the kid free afternoon yesterday.  Rob slept pretty much all day yesterday, but is functioning this morning.  Though tired, as he didn't sleep last night go figure.  Well of course it didn't help that Samuel had a nightmare and needed comfort, and Kaylin woke up sopping wet & needed a complete change & snuggle.  You know "life"

Father God, I ask for joy this morning during trials.  I ask for a calm spirit to deal with my family.  And understanding kids who don't demand what I can't give.  I thank  you for your love, In your sons name, Amen

Found this compliments of a bf.com person.  And though I'm not officially on bedrest I'm as close to it as I can be.  And I can relate to this from last time.   

How often do the one in five pregnant women assigned to bed rest get to brag about the experience? Yet here we lie, accumulating perks unknown to our mobile counterparts. So here’s a reminder to horizontal pregnant women, and a lesson to our vertical sisters, about just 15 of the benefits I’ve accrued in taking pregnancy lying down.

1. My husband has learned to cook. And not just in the microwave.

2. He can run the house. (He no longer puts the first load of wash in the machine and leaves it to mold. He regularly fills--and empties--the dishwasher, notices when we’re out of milk, creates a shopping list, hits more than one store to get the goods, buys in bulk and looks out for sales.)

3. I am amassing a quantity of sleep-time that I won’t see again until my baby is 2.

4. I am tearing through novels, mastering (in theory) the football hold for breastfeeding and gossiping with friends with a laziness that my baby won’t permit again until preschool.

5. I’m losing my type A-ness…is it possible? Before this bed rest thing, I couldn’t talk on the phone or have a friend over without also cooking or filing papers.

6. My old definition of a top-flight evening--one spent eviscerating eight items on my to-do list—has been replaced by one spent watching two videos with my husband.

7. I can stare aimlessly into space (without mentally adding tasks to said to-do list).

8. My athletic virtuosity no longer depends upon at least one sweaty set of tennis, three jogs and a night of swing dancing a week. Tackling the stairs now makes me proud..

9. Lying on the couch in the living room (aka Bed Rest Central), I savor sightings of cardinals and chubby snowflakes. Gone is the muttering about barren, skinny trees and steel gray sky. This is a cornucopia of earthly delights compared with the medical building that stared back at me from the hospital bed I occupied the other week (and could occupy again any time).

10. I relish my baby’s increasingly zealous kick-boxing because I know he’s well and happy, and that matters more than anything.

11. Forget any worries that my new husband loves me conditionally—for the sex, or how I take care of business around the house, for my fanatical energy, or for my lithe body. These are a distant memory and still he treats me like his bride.

12. No doubts left about how he’ll handle Real Life with me. As our honeymoon giddiness has been replaced by his holding me from 3 to 5 a.m. while I await crisis-level bleeding, as well as preparing my meals and cleaning up after me, we’ve cruised seamlessly through a decade’s worth of marital developmental stages in less than a year.

13. Improbably, he still makes me feel like a honeymooner, despite my girth, exhaustion and periodic fear. Curling up together on Bed Rest Central beats a night at a Parisian café with a new lover. I feel this exquisite bittersweet appreciation of each moment we spend together that’s intensified by the knowledge that a hospital bed may beckon at any moment.

14. I am finally ready to have my baby. All this lying around finally put a stop to my obsessive worries about handling the transition to motherhood, leaving in its wake the searing desire to get on with toughening up my nipples and changing diapers for the kick-boxer I’m carrying.

15. I’m actually looking forward to being liberated by childbirth. While my fellow expectant mothers anticipate losing mobility and independence, I can’t wait to be off bed rest and carry my baby and his hundreds of accoutrements through the house and out into the world. I’ll be free!

Laurie Krauth is a psychotherapist and writer in Ann Arbor, Michigan, whose complete placenta previa required that the last month of pregnancy be spent at Bed Rest Central. She has a healthy, delicious seven-month-old boy.

This IS the day the Lord has made let us rejoice & be glad in it!

On that note.  Its my goal for the next 10 weeks.  Each day is a good day!  Its a day the baby stayed inside growing & getting healthy.  Its a day my other kids grew & learned & stretched their wings. 

My mom has just announced that on Wednesdays until their homeschool organization starts up she's gonna kidnap my kids after their nap.  Now that just REALLY hurts my feelings   NOT!  They'll love it, I'll get a break.  WOO HOO!

Rob got up out of bed and laid right back down.  He has a headache bad enough that he threw up.  I'm hoping he's not got the flu just over did it yesterday.  Sooooooo he's off work today.  And in bed.  He claims he'll be getting up later.  We'll see.  I cringed girded my belly and went & got some firewood (just enough for the fire RIGHT now)  May have to do it again.  *sigh*  Don't worry I'm carrying small loads.  We HAVE to have heat.  

Kaylin did VERY well in her "new" room.  Rob has the wall almost all the way up.  Just a couple pieces of sheet-rock short.  And that shouldn't take him very long at all.  So we almost have a bedroom again--not a bedroom/recroom/laundry room.  LOL

He has announced he will NOT be doing any more building until after the baby is born.  I agreed.  Agreed BEFORE this project.  But we did NEED the wall, and he would have resented me telling him NOT to work.  So I actually was a teensy wise in the handling of that.

I talked to my midwife yesterday.  As I faced another all day onslaught of contractions.  (in tears at some points).  We decided not to freak.  HAHAHA.  And she gave me permission to take some ibprofen if things get too achey. 

I am allowing myself tears when I'm in pain.  But I will NOT allow myself to have another pity party.  I knew that ptl was a chance I took when I got prego.  Or a 2 month early labor as the case may be.  So I will rejoice in this too.  I spent 98% of my last pregnancy resenting all my aches and pains.  And realized how much I'd missed.   

I was VERY VERy good yesterday and I still had a LOT of very timeable contractions.  So have my doubts that being good is proving anything.  But I guess...I'll continue to be (mostly) good.

I wasn't supposed to have another midwife appointment until February....but it looks like I'm going to every two weeks a little bit early.  So we scheduled one next week.  Where I will be having a feber/fiber nectin spelling???  test.  It determines whether it really is pre-term-labor.  (theory is)  And of course another internal.  I have a feeling.....I'll be having a LOT of internals.  *joy*  bwahahahaha

I was really really enjoying a not traumatic non-dramatic pregnancy btw.    Oh well.

My kids are watching Clifford.  They are getting more then their fair share of tv.  But poor guys...their housebound along with me.   

Father God, I need you to help me to stay strong.  I need you to give me the JOY of my salvation.  I thank you for your love.  In your sons name, Amen

Good morning,  Well it was a long restless night last night.  But after a nice back rub about 4:30 given by dh which finally took away the back spasms I'm up and ready to face the day.  HAHAHAHA

Lets see what can I do today?

Housework~nope!  not allowed

Pick up kids~nope! not allowed

Go shopping~nope! no money

NOTHING....that's what I can do.

Do you know what I found myself doing yesterday?  I played Pacman.  Yep that's right pacman found it on the net yesterday.  And yep I was very very very bored.  snicker.  Any body else have some links to some good games.  Its gonna be a LONG 10 weeks. 

My goal for today~~do NOT take my frustration of not being able to do anything out of my poor longsuffering dh.

Okay boring blog I know...may take a break from blogging unless I can come up with something more exciting to say then i sat today, I sit tomorrow, I'll sit the day after  

Whine, whine, whine, whine whine. 

Father God, I thank you that the contractions have stopped for the last 12 hours.  I ask that they would stay stopped.  And you would help me find things to do during this long day.  In your sons name,  Amen

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK  Xanga ate my blog!   Its floating in cyberspace somewhere *sigh*

Okay...I hate redoing blogs. 

The gist of it...HMMMM  NO contractions for a good long while.  Not gonna be doing anything for the next 10 weeks.  No bedrest (yet) hoping to keep it that way by being VERY VERY VERY good

I got the music for the Worship Band last night.  I did NOT go however as I will still pretty crampy.  I bargained with Rob and if I can keep the contractions at bay I will get to participate.  Otherwise No go til after the baby is born.  

This is the first time our Church has done this, and I want to participate very badly.  "real" praise music, instead of what we've been doin'.  The people who lead worship team right now....are from the Old school and insist on singing the praise music the way its written...which makes it sound NOT like the CD's we've all heard.  LOL  They are wonderful people leading...and have been doing it for a long time.  So we will NOT be usurping them shoot I still play with them Sunday mornings lol.    Instead our church is starting an alternate service (Saturday evenings)  for the younger people.  This is a MAJOR step for us...and needs a LOT of prayer. 

Does anybody have good links to worship music on the net?  I'm still looking for some of the keyboard music to some of the songs the youth pastor gave me a list of.  TIA

I wanted to welcome Leasha back to xanga.  She is the online friend I met at Christmas time   And the one I have to be thankful for addicting my daughter to Pretty pretty Princess

Okay I think that was the gist of the blog...though not nearly as eloquent

Have a great day all!  And don't forget to let your loved ones know that they are loved

Father God, I pray for your grace today, and ask that you would allow things to go smoothly.  In your sons name, Amen