January 7, 2002

• I just had a light bulb come on in my head, one that isn't making me too happy.

  
  

  I've NOT been feeling good today.  Part of this is due to no thyroid med in my system for the last two days. (I know, I know...you can all spank me later)  Part of this is due to the fact that I'm still sore from the #$@*(#&$*@(# ultrasound that I had on Friday.  And please don't tell my husband...but I just came off of 1 hour of contractions 30 seconds long in duration about every 5 minutes.   *sigh*  I had ptl last time, and I'm desperately hoping this isn't coming back.

  
  

  I will tell him tonight on our date night.  The babies fine...cause she/he just started kicking me again.  And I think *sigh* I'm gonna relinquish my last household chore.  The laundry.

  
  

  I'm in tears as I type this.  I don't expect you to understand.  But doing housework is a thing of pride to me.  And I'm not doing any.  I've desperately held onto doing the laundry because "I" do a better job.  And it means something that isn't kid related that "I" can still do.

  
  

  But the baby in my stomache means more to me then that.  And I do NOT want a premie. 

  
  

  So here comes the revelation. I'm incredibly envious/jealous of my husband and his energy.  HE got  owly this afternoon because he had to sit inside with the kids for a whole hour because I was too tired to give him my blessing to go outside and work. 

  
  

  I sit so much of the time.  Its why I'm in front of this darn computer so much.  Because every single time "I" get proud and start doing too much...my body quits.  And my Father God tells me, slow down your job is loving your kids & husband. 

  
  

  I guess I haven't learned the lesson yet.  So I swallow my pride and ask my husband tonight to take over the laundry.  He's volunteered 6x.  But I bawled at the thought of it each time. 

  
  

  Getting my thyroid med in a little bit.  Going out on a date with my husband.  And relaxing.  I need prayers folks.  Now that I've realized the sin I have in my life. *again*  I need to confess it, and learn how to live WITHOUT jealousy.

  
  

  Tonia

  • 7:20 pm
  • 6 Comments