January 4, 2002

  • Good morning.  Yesterday ended up being a pretty good day after all. With the exception of the very end of it.  Had a spat with dh.  But *sigh*  that too will pass.


    I've finally found a way to comfort Jamari.  Which has made me immensely happy!  If I flip him over onto his stomache and lay him on my legs & pat his rear he soothes fairly quickly.  Its not as snuggly as I'd like...but at least he's letting me soothe him...so I'll be content with that. (for now)


    I got up before I woke up this morning, and am struggling to think. 


    I have an ultrasound today, and quiet frankly I'm terrified of it.  I've downplayed WHY I have it, because I wasn't allowing myself to think on it.  Last night I did think about it...and finally shared my fears with Rob.  To find out he had the same fears.  Oh that didn't help any lol. 


    The reason for this particular ultrasound is the fact that the ultrasound tech got a mis-measurement on the baby's head (last time)  Now that ultrasound tech for those of you who remember was a JERK.  With a capital J.   He sat there on the phone and argued with his mechanic for over 10 minutes while I lay on the bed with my over-full bladder & back hurting.  Never mind the fact that he was almost a half hour behind schedule to get me to begin with.  He also PUShED & hurt me a LOT when he was doing it.  *sigh*    So, I'm hoping he just was a crummy ultrasound tech and the measurements he took were a result of a VERY lazy man.  The other reasons they could be wrong...are all too scarey to think about.  Maybe my babies not growing quite right, maybe there's something really wrong.....I know quit thinking that way, but its so incredibly hard NOT to.   


    And of course the ultrasound tech will be CLOSED mouthed, so I won't find anything out about the ultrasound 'til Tuesday when I have my midwife appointment.  *sigh*


    Okay dropping my shoulders (releasing the tension) and moving on.  Slowly.  I've been dropping my shoulders a LOT lately.  Reminds me of when Kaylin was a newborn.  I was constantly having to tell myself to RELAX!   I guess an adoption is more like a birth after all.  So much second guessing of parenting styles every time you add a new child.  So much worrying that your causing permanent damage.  etc, etc.


    "Trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, IN ALL YOUR WAYS acknowledge Him, and HE SHALL DIRECT your paths."  Proverbs 3:5&6


    Clinging to that verse today. 


    Father God, I claim peace from you.  I ask that this ultrasound tech would be nice.  I pray that she/he would NOT be closed mouthed, but instead would tell me babies healthy.  (please God)  I ask for the babysitter arrangements today that everything would go smoothly.  And that my kids would have fun.  I thank you for your love.  And I'm clinging to you for comfort today.  In your sons name, Amen

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