October 20, 2001

• ^{Luke 1:78}
      Because of God's tender mercy,
          the light from heaven is about to break upon us,
  ⁷⁹
      to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
          and to guide us to the path of peace."

  
  

  I LOVE the picture of light.  I once wrote/and directed a childrens musical on light.  The picture is so incredible.  At the end we did a candle theme.  One child lit a candle, then another, then another.  Starting with the room completely dark.  It was a extremely powerful picture of how light works.

  
  

  Yesterday for the first 1/2 of the day I was in the dark.  And I knew it, and it seemed nothing could shake it.  Then all of a sudden I realized the light had one--and I was once again where I should be.  I still can't tell you how/why.  But wow did it feel better!

  
  

  I read about people struggling with depression, and I've been there before myself.  And all I can wish is that they can find light.  Because it pervades everything--and all of a sudden you can function again. 

  
  

  Its my experience with most depression--NOT all because trust me I realize that there is chemical imbalance.  Having dealt with a low thyroid for the last year--believe me I KNEW there was more wrong.  But anyhow, in most depression there is something wrong.  And its amazing what a small thing can set you off. 

  
  

  For me there were two things I was mad about--and I dwelt on those instead of God.  Thursday afternoon I got a letter from "James" caseworker.  They came up with another committee that he has to go through before he can be placed.  So it will be at least a month before we can get him.  I was angry. And I posted a angry blog about it.  But the xanga ghost ate it.  LOL

  
  

  Probably a better thing that it did.

  
  

  I also had a disappointment.  It was a stupid thing.  I wanted to be asked to do something, and I wasn't.  And I poubted.  DUMB??? Of course!!!  I had a choice--support the person who was chosen to do the job--or poubt.  For 24 hours I poubted.   

  
  

  And man did it make for a miserable day yesterday. 

  
  

  I have this verse that constantly haunts me.  "Trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5&6

  
  

  Yesterday I chose NOT to trust.  And my life was so dark.  I slowly, slowly prayed for trust, made baby steps to trust, and the light came back.  Praise the Lord!

  
  

  I LOVE light!

  
  

                               
  

  • 11:18 am
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