Good morning!  Its foggy & bluchy outside.  But we had 2 BEAUTIFUL days before this so I guess I won't complain.  Kaylin decided nursing twice in the night was the game plan for the day, so I'm dragging.

Its our Saturday--even though its Monday so Rob will be working out in the lean-to again.  And I will be watching kids again.  And I thought I was ready to cope.  But I'm NOT.  I so desperately want to ask him to NOT work today.  But I don't have the energy to argue with him about it.  (Not real argue--just do the persuasion necesary KWIM?)

Father God, I'm tired and cranky.  I don't feel good.  And I have below zero patience.  I need you to come in and provide for me.  To give me the strength to cope.  In your sons name Amen. 

JOel 2:²¹Don't be afraid, my people! Be glad now and rejoice because the LORD has done great things. ²²Don't be afraid, you animals of the field! The pastures will soon be green. The trees will again be filled with luscious fruit; fig trees and grapevines will flourish once more.

I am continuing through the prophets.   And I've talked to SOOO many people who have fear in their lives right now.  And yet I'm reminded how many, many times God says.  Don't be afraid.  He promises destruction to the evil--but he always, always offers comfort and the promise of Heaven to those who are faithful.

And I continue to ask myself, am I faithful.  Where do I need to change.

These days.  Surviving is on my mind.    Gotta love being pregnant.  But if I survive with God in mind then I'm doing okay right?  Of course right.

So now after the serious you all need the humour for the day.  And I gotta say Bettapoe---move over I think we were MUCH dumber then your last forgetful moment.

So here's the plan Rob comes home from work and I'm gonna runaway which I usually do Saturday night.  But, all of a sudden I have these nasty cramps in my stomache which scared me   So instead he rubbed my back, and stomache.  The cramps went away fairly soon after but I didn't feel like going anywhere.  So he says, how bout I take the kids to the beach for awhile.  Sure no problem.

I'm thinking an hour.  An hour and a half passes.  i'm thinking oh great, something must of happened.  An hour 45 minutes.  I'm starting to worry.  The phone rings.  "HI, this is Shari your husband Rob asked to call you and say he ran out of gas on E--- V-------.  Okay I'm coming.  I say...and she hangs up before I can ask where??  And I DON"T have her phone number.  So I'm thinking, but he should have been on D-- road.  now what?   Well I'll look on both.  (We live right after a Y and there's 2 LONG roads to get to the highway.  Anyhow I head out to his car--he's taken my van with my keys and his keys.  I have NO way to rescue him.  He left his keys--but not the Geo key--as he always takes that off to go into the prison.

UGH!  now what.  I can't go rescue him.  Its 45 minutes past the kids dinner.  I'm sure their cranky as heck and Rob's getting frantic.  So I look around think.  And decide I'll ride a bike down to them.  (Its ALL downhill)  Wait with the kids while Rob rides back up with keys to get the car.  No problem.

Except my bike has a flat tire.  UGH!  So I'll take his.  The seat's like miles too high for me.  And I'm perching.  But I don't have to peddle just sit and gravity will take me down to the bottom.  (3 miles)  So thats what I did.  After talking to myself for a LONG time to get up onto that seat.  Its a long way from the ground--when did I become a wuss????

My legs & back are hurting again.  Because I'm having to hold myself on the bike with my legs.  I'm in tears, and every corner I go around I'm praying the kids are there.  NOPE.  And our stupid dog has followed me.  And he's TOO old and gets way behind so I'm worrying about him too. 

Every corner no van.  Finally all the way to the highway no van.  Practical joke?  Wrong rode where's my family?????????

There's no way in heck I'm walking 3 miles up the mountain.  Its a KILLER walk.  So I'm standing there praying and a car comes down the road from where I just was.  I wave him down.  He stops.  Targ (our dog) and I hitch a ride back to my house.  (NICE man!!!)  And whose gonna mess with a 80 pound dog.  LOL

Leave Robs very $$ bike laying in the ditch.  Can't fit it into the car.

Get into the house.  No message on the answering machine, No keys.  NO more bikes to rescue my family.  45 minutes has passed now what.

All of a sudden I hear kids voices.  Rob has had them walk for a mile up the road.  Carrying Kaylin.  Alternating carrying Sam.  He figured out he had both sets of keys.  And just decided to hoof it.  (more energy them me.)

So he's gonna get the kids there VERy late dinner (overcooked in crockpot)  I'm gonna take the Geo to get gas.

I drive down  get the bike...(YEAH its still there!)  and drive 10 miles to go get gas--I told you we live in nowhere's ville.  Just before I get to the gas station I realize AAAAAAAAAAAAAACK my purse is in the van.  12 miles in the other direction.  UGH!!!

So I go into the gas station give them my sob story--they all know me--we live in a small community.  No problem get the gas come back & pay us.  (I knew they'd do that for me--phew)  Go back home.  Put the gas in the van.  Come back home.  Rob's got kids ready for bed.  (bathed and everything)  I'm gonna take the van to fill it up the rest of the way--he's supposed to go to work at 2:45 and its bedtime for him.  But then he says...it was so low I don't know if you'll make it to the gas station.  That's it.  I've done my 3 mile ride for the day.  YOU DO IT.  no problem he says--I thought that was better anyhow.

So a one hour beach ride turns into a 31/2 hour gas getting adventure.  Don't you love stupidity???

Good Afternoon.   No morning blog this morning.  Cause I got up to make the kids breakfast.  No milk for cereal.  NO bread for toast.  And Samuel will NOT eat eggs.  NEVER has.  So what's a mommy to do?  Take the kids to McD's.   

So we did.  LOL  And I let the kids play in the playland for an hour.  While I read and said Hi so & so.  Wow how'd you get up there.  You know those kinda things.  A grandpa had taken his 7 year old granddaughter out for breakfast.  And we visited a bit too.  Once again he as well as most people thought Sam & Zeria were twins.  I've seriously considered getting them matching T-shirts that say NO!  on the front and on the back "We're not twins"  

As we were leaving the grandpa said.  How old are your kids.  I told him.  He said they are very well behaved and have good manners.    Now he I like.  And they were good too.

I braved Goodwill with them today.  I don't do shopping with them very often.  Too frustrating to keep 3 sets of toddlers hands where they belong.  But they did pretty good.  Samuel ended up in the cart.  Cause his hands kept straying to touch. But oh well.  Someday I'll be able to let him walk around without touching.

And then we went for a little drive looking for garage sales--didn't see anything worth getting.  And then we went to my 7 year old sisters soccer game.

The kids love going there because they know some of the kids and they have a riot playing in the dirt.  The friend I enjoy the most is letting her 8 year old play soccer this year so we visited for awhile.

And I talked some with a mom of a newborn who was carrying her around in a sling.  And wants my bf.com bumper sticker.  (She has 4 kids total) 

It was good to get out of the house.  For a long time I was feeling comfortable staying home and enjoying my space.  But lately.  Mostly because I don't have the energy to clean my space and can just see all the work that needs to be done.  I'm enjoying getting out more.  So I think I'm gonna start making a few more plans to get OUT.  At least until I get over the exhaustion of the first tri-mester. 

Anyhow it was nice to get out.  And pretend I don't STILL have laundry to fold.  And I don't feel sick--even if I do. 

Wow I finally shook the funk I've been in all day.  And man it feels good.  Maybe its because I finally kept some food down??  Gotta love Salt & Vinegar potato chips--their a major mood enhancer.  And yes I realize that sounds grose.  LOL

My sons 2 funny's for the day.  To bring us all up--they sure made me laugh

We were watching Nickoldeon and on comes a short music video.  I'm thinkin...well this isn't too bad everybody's dressed "normal"  and then on prances this girl in a Sports Bra.  She was covered VERY well...but of course we all know where the camera's focused.  Samuel says....VERY LOUDLY.  I see her BOOBS mom.  (mom slightly panics--then comes up with the appropriate retort)  We don't talk about boobs remember Sam?   I think daddy can handle the rest of that conversation   I'm running for the door.

On the way home this evening Samuel was arguing saying he wanted something.  I said... "I said, no....you don't count."  He thinks for a second and he says.  "I can count." 

Father God, I just want to crawl in bed and stay there until after this baby is born.  I'm so tired.  And yet I have a family to raise.  And a husband to love.  And a house to be built.  And so on.  So instead of moaning.  and crying.   and sinking lower and lower.  I come to bring you the sacrifice of praise.

I praise you for my healthy children and that Zeria's asthma's been under control for so long.

I praise you for a house that is well on its way to being paid off and low mortgage payments.

I praise you for the 2 weeks of Indian summer we had before the dreary fog came back.

I praise you for a husband who's willing to watch kids when I'm feeling like crap.

I praise you for my son snuggled on my lap.

I praise you for the life inside me, even when it is making me sick. LOL

I praise you for your unfailing mercies that are new every morning. 

I praise you for a nice cuddly place to curl up and sleep.

I praise you that your strength is perfect.  Because man I need it!

Do you ever want to hide.  To shut all electronic devices off that connect you to the world.  Here I am struggling with loneliness.  But I am also so tired of dealing with interpersonal relationships.  I'm pathetic. 

"Hide me Father, in the shelter of your wings." 

I ended a friendship last week.  Because it had become HARD work.  I think I made a mistake.  I did NOT pray about it.  Instead I ended it.  And initially I felt MAJOR peace about it.  And now the doubt comes.  And the "I should-a-tried harder's"  And I should have.  Please  be patient with me.  I told you in the first e-mail.  I was so weak right now.  I still am.  And I have nothing to give to others.  I'm sorry. 

Oh and less anyone of my friends who reads my blog gets confused.  I got a TON of cards from my online friends for my birthday.  It was a blast going through them.  It was my "real" life friends who completely forgot.  And that hurt. 

And in the midst of all the tragedy going around.  Why can't I rise above this little pity party I'm in?  Gotta love pregnancy hormones.  And its DEFINITELY time for a mommy break.  But there's none in sight. 

Father, God.  I'm here.  I holding on by a string.  Help me please.  I LOVE you.  Tonia

Morning'  Its pouring down rain outside...And I need to leave in 10 minutes to go clean out the nursery so Service Master can clean there. 

I'm feeling miserable today inside and out.

I'm tired.  Tired of dealing with conflict.  Tired of having to stand up for myself, and set boundarys.

And I'm lonesome.  Terribly lonesome. 

I'm sorry this is a downer blog.  But when I started my blog I said I would whine occasionally--please move on if your looking for something cheerful this morning.

My husband has been working none stop either at work or on the house.  I know its necesary.  But I miss him.

My last pregnancy he babied me, and we celebrated.  This one we're too busy to hardly acknowledge the fact I'm pregnant.

But it doesn't change the fact I am.  He's trying hard...but there's just too much to do.

It seems everytime I open my mouth anymore I'm putting my foot in it.  Well not quite. LOL  But close.

I have 3 GOOD online friends.   One from New Zealand.  2 from here.  And yet I'm never satisified.  LOL  I'm pathetic.

Why have I finally given into the fact that I'm lonesome.  I guess the biggest is I turned 30 on the 10th.  One day before the U.S. had its major disaster.  And not a single real life friend acknowledged it.  Not one.  Because I'm not "close enough to them."

Growing up I had a Best friend.  Someday I will blog about her in detail.  We were AWESOME friends.  We still would be I'm sure...except she lives in Calgary, Alberta now.  And its just too hard to maintain a distant relationship.

In college I had a Best friend.  And someday I will blog about her in detail.  We still call occasionally.  But she lives in Manitoba now.  And our lives have changed.  We would probably never be as close.  Because quite frankly--I don't like her kids very much--which is a TERRIBLE thing to say.

Since coming home from college.  In 1993.  I've had NO close friends.   I have some friends at church that I at least visit with.  But we all have our own busy lives.  And I guess things just never go anywhere.  One lady I knew we could connect up with.  But I tried, and tried, and tried to get together...and she always backed out.

The lady i connect with most has 5 kids and is 20 years older then me.  And is too busy to leave her own house.  So we have awesome, all be it short visits when we can at church, or Awana etc. 

I enjoyed the net because it gave me the ability to make friendships and be at home with my kids.

But now the Jr. High intrigue comes into play.  And please ladies...I'm not mad.  I'm dealing.  And I hesitated to even blog about it.....But 2 of my boards have gone through upheavals lately, and the 3rd has always been an upheaval.  LOL   So this was not a "safe" outlet after all.

And I'm lonesome.  Yes, Sarah and Kayte I enjoy your friendships.  And I desperately wish we did live on opposite ends of the country. But as its not gonna happen.   God, I want a close friend who lives here.  Is that too much to ask for?  Because I've been begging God for 10 years, and the answer keeps seeming to be no. 

And I'm tired.  

Gotta go in 1 minute.  And I'm so not ready to face this day.

Its raining cats & dogs outside.  And the rain is coming down my face.  Please.  Doesn't anybody around here want to be my friend? 

Got to do a quick brag about the header I made for Bing.  (sorry don't know how to do the quick link--anybody willing to teach me.  LOL.  Anyhow go check it out.  http://www.xanga.com/item.asp?user=Bing&tab=weblogs&uid=373115

Good morning.  Well we had a 3 strikes policy last night.  All 3 babies woke up at once.  UGH!  Samuel woke up screaming.  Which woke up Kaylin (always does)  But then Zeria woke up--'cause she'd wet her bed.   Zeria was easy--get her dry.  Kaylin--put a boob in it   And Samuel--well he slept with us last night, we never did discover what his problem  was.  But fortunately he's a cuddler & sleep's VERY still unlike Zeria.  Who drives us ALL batty when she ends up in bed with us.

My busy day yesterday went well.  Even was fun.  Prayer DOES work.  The kids were as good as gold at the Dr.  And it was a short visit--because all I needed was a blood draw, to make sure my thyroid stayed where it should while I'm pregnant. 

We were listening to a kids tape on one of our MANY jaunts in the van yesterday, and sad music came on--in preperation to tell the kids on the tape it was raining outside, and Zeria piped up, "That song is so tragic."  ROFL!  And you can't laugh at a moment like that.

Mommy was so proud of the kids at the Dr's office that she splurged and bought Papa Murphy's Take & Bake pizza last night.  MMMM MMMM.  And the bigger splurge was a liter of orange slice--my kids NEVER get pop.  Kaylin had her first tippy cup full.  And wow was she bouncing off the walls. 

When we drove to cubbies--I  was SICK of kids tapes--haven listened to approximately 3 hours of them already.  So I suggested we sing.  Kaylin joined right in. (VERY LOUDLY)  you woulda thought she was drunk.  A DA DA DA DA BLA,  A DA DA DA DA BLA.  she sang more songs with me then the big kids...but then she didn't need to know the words.  (snicker)

Our work changed insurance companies & Rob told me in passing--but never gave me the new medical cards.  So I got to the Dr and they couldn't find me on the old insurance listing anymore.  And I of course don't have the new cards.  And remembered a vague conversation that we had new ones.  And felt like the typical blond dense housewife in saying I think we might have new insurance, but I don't know what it is.  GROWL.  I don't like coming across that way.  And now Rob has NO NO NO idea where he put them.  Guess who's gonna be doing the for useless information press 1....for more useless information press 2...and while we're finding it please listen to this NASTY elevator music??  NOT ME!  I'm not the one who lost the cards.  That would be Robs job.  Sides I HATE the phone

Today I SWEAR I'm gonna get my laundry folded, provided I don't get too sick.  LOL  Otherwise I'm gonna have a lazy day.  Its been awhile--and we all need one.  Rob will go to work as scheduled at 10:30.

Oh one last funny.  My housecleaner is a 17 year old girl.  She does a REALLY good job.  Anyhow I was feeling bad 'cause the house was AWFUL after having not had a deep clean in 3 weeks.  Was getting ready to apologize as she was getting ready to leave.  She says instead.  "That's the easiest job I've ever done."  I'm thinking--surely NOBODY can be as slobby as us.  She says, Yes your house is small--and I didn't have to guess what needed to be cleaned it was obvious.  ROFL!  Good thing I was in a good mood yesterday.  But actually I understood what she meant.  I used to clean for a Dr's office.  (pre-kids)  and I never saw any dirt.  But I valiently, vaccumed, and dusted, and cleaned.  And they always said it LOOKED GREAT.  But me, I was thinking...UMMM  it looks just like it did BEFORE I came.  LOL

Father God, its a new day.  I ask that you would help Rob find the medical cards this morning.  And that we enjoy today.  I ask that you enable me to get done what's needed and leave the rest alone.  I pray that my kids would have cheerful hearts.   (me too )  In your sons name, Amen

To share with you a picture I touched up yesterday.  And a thought.  "How lovely on the mountains are the feet of Him who brings good news."   This is taken about 30 minutes from my house.  I took a little creative license to it.  Okay a lot

This is the original picture. 

I am having entirely too much fun with my birthday present.  Rob got me Print shop pro.  And its a riot!  I LOVE touching up pictures, and removing objects that mess the picture up. LOL.  I haven't had this much fun being creative in a LONG time. 

My mom has written a kids book, that she wants illustrated.  I'm gonna talk to her today, and see if I can play around and illustrate it for her with my computer pictures.  If she doesn't like the pictures--hey I'll have had TONS of fun playing. LOL

Thought for the day.   Taken from Hosea.  Seemed extremely appropriate somehow. 

¹"Come, let us return to the LORD! He has torn us in pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. ²In just a short time, he will restore us so we can live in his presence. ³Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on to know him! Then he will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring."

Today will be a BUSY day.  UGH!  I have Bible Study at 9:30.  A new house cleaner coming at 1:00--so I have to be here.  And a Dr's appointment at 3:00.  And Cubbies for the kids at 6:30.  *sigh*  I know it will all get done.

The bummer is I think I'm gonna have to take all of my kids to the dr's.  'Cause my mom who would normally do it is otherwise occupied.  That's gonna be a ton of fun. NOT!

Father God, when I have a day like this I tend to panic, instead I am going to give it to you.  I ask that you would help me.  And give me the stregnth to do all that is needed.  I also ask that if all possible you would find me a way to ditch some kids somewhere.  Thanks.  I love you.  In your Son's name Amen. 

Good morning,  I started this blog once, and then it kinda went bollistic on me.  *sigh*  So we'll start over. 

Its a beautiful fall day.  Blue sky, sunshine, and a bite of cold in the air. 

Kaylin cut out another nursing.  So for all practical purposes she's down to two nurses a day.  Part of me is super sad about this.  But the other is glad it hasn't been traumatic, but has been totally her decision.  The only time the rules change is when she's had a major boo-boo/or disaster in her life.  LOL

Have some kid pictures.  These are impromptu ones not like the flag one I worked on for over an hour yesterday. LOL

The first is Zeria on the swing at the park.  Typical kid style. 

She's learning to pump....and its fairly priceless to watch, and she's oooooo so proud of herself.

We went to the park Sunday after daddy got home from work.  And there was a little girl who was NOT nice to Zeria.   I tried not to interfere until the little girl started throwing rocks--then the tiger momma came out in me.  LOL  It was so cute though when they were exchanging words.  Zeria says "Well, I don't care if you don't like me "A" my cousin loves me.  (BIG GRIN)

Samuel got a new coat (finally)  His last years winter coat was too small and died when we were on vacation this summer.  So I've been looking ever since.  Here he is sporting it.  He's smarter then his sister btw.  His sister refused to wear her coat--even though her teeth were chattering.  See none of the other little girls at the park were wearing big coats. SIGH Gotta love peer pressure.

Oh psssssssst notice Samuels new hair style.  He's sporting NO hair on his head compliments of Zeria's hair cut 2 weeks ago.  It was the only way to redeem it.  Everybody says I should leave it that way--cause they think its soooooooo cute.  I'm partial to hair myself.  Contemplating a compromise.  like just enough hair so you can see hair.  We'll see.

Then theirs Kaylin my big girl.  She's so proud of herself because she's discovered slides.  Up she climbs & down she goes.  She's too LITTLE for this. (sniff sniff)  We of course climb up behind her.  But she slides herself into somebody's arms. 

I love impromptu visits to the park. 

Well, the building project continues on.  And last night just before we went on our date night.  Rob had a oops & accidentally hit a water pipe with the chainsaw.  So we were without water overnight.  Its fixed now, and life moves on.  The theory is is today our minor miracle is gonna happen and my brother's gonna come and work.  Oh I do hope so.  Rob's always so encouraged when he comes.

Joel (my brother) is a go getter.  And so much more gets accomplished.  Besides its boring to work by yourself day after day after day. 

We officially look like poor white trash right now.  Sigh.  My washer & dryer are sitting outside.  All the construction trash, and all the kids toys.  Wanta know what poor white trash looks like??  Oh and don't forget the dog   Gotta have a dog to be poor white trash.  *sigh*   LOL

So because my washer & dryer are living outside.  I am now going to the laundromat.  Which in someways is easier.  I did 12 loads of laundry in 2 hours.  (not folded of course)  Yes, I said 12.  I was waaaaaaaay behind do to the events of last week, and spraining my ankle on my regularly scheduled laundry day.

So the kids & I spent a couple hours at the laundromat which actually went a LOT better then anticipated. (YEAH)

And today I will fold the remaining 8.  YUCK!

Father God, as we do this day.  I pray that we will honor you in it.  I ask that you will give us wisdom as we jack up the house and safety for the men & my house.  And that it would go extremely smoothly.  I ask for the kids that they would be cheerful, and not fight.  And I ask for our country, that they would rally, and not abandon hope.  Because we NEED hope.  Father for me, I ask for the energy to do what's needed, and the wisdom to sit & take care of my body when I need to.  Thank you, In your son's name.  Amen.