September 21, 2001

  • Father God, I just want to crawl in bed and stay there until after this baby is born.  I'm so tired.  And yet I have a family to raise.  And a husband to love.  And a house to be built.  And so on.  So instead of moaning.  and crying.   and sinking lower and lower.  I come to bring you the sacrifice of praise.


    I praise you for my healthy children and that Zeria's asthma's been under control for so long.


    I praise you for a house that is well on its way to being paid off and low mortgage payments.


    I praise you for the 2 weeks of Indian summer we had before the dreary fog came back.


    I praise you for a husband who's willing to watch kids when I'm feeling like crap.


    I praise you for my son snuggled on my lap.


    I praise you for the life inside me, even when it is making me sick. LOL


    I praise you for your unfailing mercies that are new every morning. 


    I praise you for a nice cuddly place to curl up and sleep.


    I praise you that your strength is perfect.  Because man I need it!


    Do you ever want to hide.  To shut all electronic devices off that connect you to the world.  Here I am struggling with loneliness.  But I am also so tired of dealing with interpersonal relationships.  I'm pathetic. 


    "Hide me Father, in the shelter of your wings." 


    I ended a friendship last week.  Because it had become HARD work.  I think I made a mistake.  I did NOT pray about it.  Instead I ended it.  And initially I felt MAJOR peace about it.  And now the doubt comes.  And the "I should-a-tried harder's"  And I should have.  Please  be patient with me.  I told you in the first e-mail.  I was so weak right now.  I still am.  And I have nothing to give to others.  I'm sorry. 


    Oh and less anyone of my friends who reads my blog gets confused.  I got a TON of cards from my online friends for my birthday.  It was a blast going through them.  It was my "real" life friends who completely forgot.  And that hurt. 


    And in the midst of all the tragedy going around.  Why can't I rise above this little pity party I'm in?  Gotta love pregnancy hormones.  And its DEFINITELY time for a mommy break.  But there's none in sight. 


    Father, God.  I'm here.  I holding on by a string.  Help me please.  I LOVE you.  Tonia

Comments (1)

  • If you can sleep till the end- can I too???????

    It does feel so wonderful to remind ourselves of all God's blessing.

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