August 13, 2001
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Isaiah66:13I will comfort you there as a child is comforted by its mother.”
12 years ago God promised me Rob and I would get married. And then I proceeded to wait for 10 years. My faith was so weak God. I questioned, and reminded. And lost sight of it so many times.
But in your perfect timing you provided. I played the why game last night. Why did you make me wait so long for us to get married. And I had the worlds most awesome answer. If Rob and I had married right after I graduated–like I thought was right and perfect. We’d probably have 4 “so-called perfect (gag gag) white babies” and our family would be complete.
But instead. I got lonesome and you laid it on my heart to adopt Samuel and Zeria. There were many up hill challenges in that. Finances, and unfinished house, and delivering newspapers with babies in the car. It was a hard hard time. And so stressful. But I’d never give up my babies and take away that time. And if I hadn’t been single I probably wouldn’t have considered adopting.
So I finally have my answer to WHY. Thank you. How many times do I ask why. Why do I hurt, Why did I meet so & so and they hurt me. Why can’t I help so & so. Why is so & so struggling so much. I don’t have those answers. But you do. Thank you. And thank you for the comfort. Thank you for my husband and my family. Though so many people say I did it backwards. I know I did it the way you wanted. My kids, then my husband, and now Kaylin.
I’ve started asking why again a bit, cause I so desperately want another baby. But then I stop and think how tired I get. And how tired the pregnancy would make me. And I remember “I have learned whatsoever state I am in therewith to be content.” (sorry no reference its memorized–if anybody wants one I’ll find it.)
So I’ll look longingly after another baby. And enjoy the ones I have. And when the time comes God will give me another one.
Either Zeri & Sam’s younger brother—who I would take in my arms today if I could. (Please God keep him safe) Or one from my womb. It really doesn’t matter. Comfort, contendeness. Thank you.
Comments (1)
(I wish there was a category for a bazillion eprops
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Amen to everything you wrote. It is so-so-so hard to understand while we are in the midst of anxieties and troubles. But He doesn’t require that we understand, only that we obey. Not for us to ask “why?”, but “what – what do You want me to do?”
God will grant your desire for another one to love in His wisdom and plan. Maybe another baby; but maybe an individual who needs loving that you would not have been capable of meeting if you have another baby.
You are one gutsy, godly lady. I am privileged to know you.