1:25 pm Kids are napping. Piano playing went well this morning.  Except for a minor accident just before I started.   The piano bench is one of those benches that you can store stuff in...and I was scooting it back a little bit and it came open and then I sat on it with my finger in it. (SMASH OUCH! OH I WANT TO CRY!)   And please join with me as we sing this song....hmmm that was really fun.  I very calmly bit all the tears in and played minus using my middle finger for awhile while it recovered.  

My back is spasaming again....I hate this.  I took my daytime aleve which I haven't been doing.  GROWL!  Probably cause I didn't sleep enough last night.

Good morning.  It was a loong night.  Kaylin was awake at 3:15 5:15 and 6:10 for the day.  Its 7:25 and I'm soooooo ready to go back to bed.  But I do not have the bone numbing exhaustion and weariness that I did yesterday.  i'm getting reading to leave to go shopping.  (Big shopping trip)  I have so much I want to do. And the reality is I'll probably get over there and look at Toys R Us and be so tired & crying that I'll come back home    But I guess I'll have tried.

Kaylin is a crank and I'm desperately hoping she will go to sleep and sleep the whole two hours. 

I showered with her this morning..the only way I was gonna get a shower and Zeria insisted on joining me.  And as a result I am feeling peopled out already.  Don't ya just love being a mom.

Okay enough whines.  Thank you God for the sunshiney day.  For the money that I have to make this shopping trip.  For a husband who'se willing to keep the 2 oldest and even planning on enjoying it.  Thank  you for Brittany (my little sis) being willing to come with me. 

Keep me safe today, and enable me to enjoy myself.  Give me extra measure of strength as I deal with this day...I have so little as it is. 

My goodnight entry....House is quiet kids have finally stopped thumping & giggling upstairs.  This is my favorite time of night.  DH is at work won't be home 'til 11 kids are in bed...and the house is blessedly quiet. 

Now I fight the battle of sleep or waiting up until Rob gets home and having an hour of quiet conversation with him.  He doesn't ask me to stay up but I know how much it means to him.  9xout of 10 I stay up.  And its nice to do something without the interruption of my 3 toddlers! 

Having a 1 year old a 3 year old and a almost 4 year old makes one-on-one adult conversation a very rare treat.  And sooooo I live for it!

I aim with friends...I watch movies dh would have no intrest in...I read a book.  I just currently finished the Honor Harrington Series.  Tooo much military scheming, but all in all a good series. 

Anyhow I'm off to surf the web soooooo goodnight all!

Well I went to the lake and had a good visit with my friend.  Got on several good theological discussions I need a heavy subject to take away from my feeling sorry for myself

The wind came up and so did the clouds so had to go home early. 

My 10 year old sister, Kaylin and I are gonna do the Mall thing tomorrow.  A mall is a big adventure to me...the closest one is 2.5 hours away and I usually get there maybe twice a year.   I'll be hitting ToysRUS and K-mart as well.  Shoot I may have so much fun at department stores (we only have a Wal-mart here) that I'll skip the mall altogether.  I'm on an illusive search for a trampoline for Zeria's birthday and my kids adoption celebration.  Zeria will be 4 on the 18th and my kids will have been legally mine for a year on the 19th.  We decided this deserved a trampoline!  Besides think of all that energy expended on it  

Everytime I turn around the kids have trashed the house again.  But there old enough that I just keep making them pick up all that garbage again.  Put the books back on the shelf, put the pillows back on the couch.  Don't jump on the furniture, don't walk on the books...don't play with videos.  Is it any wonder I'm tired

I've felt much better this afternoon and am eagerly anticipating bedtime 45 minutes to go  

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June 11th again....had to make sure what I was doing was working...never trust myself when I learn a new thing.

The wind is picking up outside still trying to talk myself out of going swimming.  I know my kids would love it however and its 2 hours guaranteed that I don't have to entertain them or listen to them whine etc, etc.  And it sure makes them sleepier at night. I will go.  I can't believe how anti-social I've become lately.

I went to a birthday party on Tuesday and all I wanted to do was come home curl up on my couch and stay there.  All I want to do is sit and watch my kids.  And yet I continue to find little surges of energy to push myself. 

Stand up pick up that toy...change the roll of toilet paper...change the laundry around you can do it.  Its the continuing theme in my head.  At least mostly now I don't feel guilty for being tired.  Which is what I was struggling with before my diagnosis.  At least I know my exhaustion is legit!

I started up .25 mg of levoxyl again this week.  Scares me as I had such a bad reaction last time.  Hoping that it will work.  I have the jitters for about 1.5 hours after taking it but then the day seems to be okay.  Cut out the diet Mt. Dew and switched to ice tea in hoping to cut some caffeine and see if that cuts some of the jitters.

Am taking 2 aleve to go to sleep by to cut the aches.  I ache all over...which I'm told is also a symptom of low thyroid   Sleep is something I worship these days...and I hate that feeling. 

Tonia

June 11, 2001

The kids are currently napping and its sunny outside.  I'm hoping to go up to my neighbours lake and enjoy a swim.  I'm struggling with not wanting to go...but there's nothing that I would do here except for sit and feel sorry for myself.  I hate this feeling of no motivation.  I would so like to have some energy. 

Midge is starting to make cooing sounds upstairs I should go up and nurse her..but I know I do I will wake all the other kids...so I'm ignoring her cooing and hoping for a few more minutes of quiet.