I did it!  I'm soooooooo proud of myself.  I learned how to make banners    Do you like?  huh, huh?

13 Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is the duty of every person.

So my conclusion on the fear of God (for now) is that it is obedience.  Being willing to do things for God that you wouldn't normally consider.  The thing that is so amazing.  Though we are to fear God we are not to be fearful.  Whenever God visited somebody in the Bible the first words were Do not fear. 

Noah feared God, and built the ark and saved his life.  The midwifes of Egypt feared God and refused to kill the babies of the Israelites that Pharoah commanded to be killed.  All in all it is a fear that causes us to obey.  Not fear that causes us to run, or hide, but fear that causes us to trust God and believe that he can take care of us.  Respect for his ways and a willigness to do them. 

Fear is reverance and obedience.  But not mindnumbing obedience.  Obedience out of respect.

Sorry I got so heavy this morning I keep mulling the stuff over and over and over in my head.  Thinking, thinking thinking. 

I guess their's nothing new here for me, just a reminder that God wants us to be obedient when he asks us to do something, and to be respectful of his person. 

Today is our Saturday.  We are going to attempt to build a shed.  (ha-ha)  see how it goes.  We're talking about going and camping out close to Rob's work starting tomorrow.  We'll see what the weather is like. 

Kaylin has declared a mortuarium on sleep.  She's been up since 6 plus up 2 times in the night...didn't even look at my watch just latched her on and attempted to sleep.  Passed her back to daddy when she started squirming.  And tried to sleep some more.  Sleep is sooooooooo needed.  I worship it unfortunately.  Oh well, this too shall pass!

Zeria & daddy have been good friends for 5 whole days.   I'm so hoping this will last.  She has a hard time trusting him because so many men in her short life have abandoned her.  And she started her life out as a daddy's girl.  Why could anybody abandon children?  How could they be cruel to them.  My heart grieves for Zeria & Samuels younger brother still in the old environment.  He's so little I want him so badly.  But for now CPS in their infinite wisdom decided he has to live in that awful situation. 

Father take care of "J" and protect him until the time we are able to adopt him.  Give his Christians in his life, and do not allow him to be hurt.  I want him when he's young Lord, when he's still moldable and not bound up in anger.  Do you think this is possible?  Please? 

Big kids are sleeping in this morning   I LIKE THIS   And Zeria didn't get asthma like it sounded like she was gonna last night!  (PHEW).  

Father as we do this day, help us to focus on you.  Help me to remember you are in control, and to appreciate the fact that my husband loves to work, rather then resent the fact that he refuses to play with us most days.

Love,  Tonia

Good morning....Well my day has continued to go as it started.  I loaded my kiddos up in the van went to start it and the battery was dead.  Look back and realize I hadn't brushed Zeria's hair.  Back into the house get the battery charger, and the hair brush.  Brush the hair while the battery's charging.  Unplug battery charger leave it sitting in driveway like pooh white trash   And buzz to church.   Buy Kaylin some medicine for her cold....instead of making her sleepy it makes her bounce off the walls. 

The wonder of it all? I never got frustrated, and stayed calm.  I'm still in shock over that?

Rainee's comment about God has left me thinking.  The irony of it was my 4 year old said something similar....We were out gardening and she said "Whose God"...and the current kids tape in our van right now has a song on it that says..."Whose God?"  Who is God to you?

He's my father, he's my friend, he's the alpha and Omega, the Iam.  He's the Creator & Sustainer of the world.  He's the one who invited me to Heaven.  He's holy, wise, just.  But those are just words.  Big words, little words, words that don't cover what he is to me.  I sooo wish I had those words.  All I know is he's God.  What do you think?

More thoughts from Ecclelisiastes

9 Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. 11 And on a cold night, two under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Good morning....Yesterday was a good day for the most part.  I'm really getting sick of this cold however.  And I'm sick of Kaylin having it as well.  She is so fussy.  Last night she was awake at 10:30, 2:30, 5:30 and 6:00 for the day.  I'm dragging.  I'm going to church...but only because that means my two oldest will be out of my hair a bit.  Terrible huh?  I want to sleep uninterrupted for awhile PLEEEEEEEEEEASE??

Okay enough whining.  I like those verse about being alone.  I was alone for 10 years.  And I never felt "safe"  I had my parents etc....but they were busy with their own lives.  I so enjoy the comfort of knowing Rob will come home.  Knowing he will stand beside me when no one else will.  Knowing he loves me.  :love   I appreciate the strength behind that.  Especially considering how weak I've been since Kaylin was born.  

Everytime I think I'm getting above it and getting back to normal--whatever that is something else comes to knock me down.  Today the cold and lack of sleep. 

Father, give me your strength today all I can think about is coughing, and sleeping.  What I need to be thinking about is you, and your strength.  You made the world, the mountains, the oceans and all that is in it.  You have the ability to lift me up and enjoy this day.

Thank you for the friends I will see this morning.  I pray for B as her dh gets ready to go back to the ocean to work.  Let her adjust herself quickly to taking care of 2 on her own...I just can't imagine the life she lives when he's gone. 

I lift up J again today and ask that you will bring him peace into his life, and forgiveness.

I lift up Kaylin and ask that you would enable her to be semi-calm.  The whinieness is getting on me.  And please let the big kids be extra good today...I don't have much patience.

Amen

I will be playing keyboard this morning, with one eye open I think

Hope this day goes better then it feels, and I'm sorry for such a downer blog.

Okay a polll do you like the curser option or does it drive you nutso...I can take it off it's irritating

Good morning, Thought for the day.

The woman who fears the Lord will be praised.

So this thought of fearing God continues to move through my head.  What does it mean?  I need to study it some more.  I've been raised on trusting God...and loving him, but the fear thing that has been non-existent.  Thinking, thinking thinking.

Today's a full day.  Still haven't figured out how we're gonna swing everything.  Kaylin has a dr's appointment at 1:30.  The car has an appointment at 2:00.  They are 45 minutes from each other.  Rob is home today so  he can take one of them.  The problem? the part for the car is by the Dr's office.  I hate making a whole bunch of backwards trips and wasting gas & time.  But I guess theres no option today.

Gonna find out if Kaylin gained any weight in the last 3 months (crossing my fingers)  and she's so cranky over her cold...will have them check her ears.  Also she'll be getting more shots...poor thing

My brain is dead this morning.  Kaylin has been awake since 5:45 and wouldn't settle down and nurse.  Her nose is too stuffy, so no great and wonderful thoughts this morning.

Father God, in my exhaustion and confusion come and be with me.  Open my eyes to you, and allow me to enjoy the day, and for things to work smoothly, and not be exasperating.

   Lake Lael my neighbours pond. The perfect day.  The sun is shining hot, warming my skin.  A light breeze is blowing keeping me from getting too hot.  The glimpse of the Olympics peeping over the foothills is so comforting.  Its a sight that is home.  A sight that I've seen for most of my life. The sounds of kids giggling and enjoying life.  The sun glistening off the water.  The toys old & played with for years by many kids scattered all over the sand.    Women gossiping, and remembering previous summers when kids were smaller.  Solving small crisis...settling disputes between varying children.  This is summer...this is what helps me live through the winter.  

    Building a sand dam with  my daughter.  Letting her discover that water runs naturally down hill, but not up.  Watching my son eat sand and laughing as he plays with the autistic boy and gets him to play with him back.  My baby relaxing and being able to play in the water without fear.  Sharing my breasts with a sandy baby and loving the closeness it inspires.  

   Different theology's, different parenting styles...but all one in the love of their children.  Respect of each others varying beliefs, and a understanding that no one will say anything mean or unseemly to anyone. Hurtful gossip is not allowed.  Meaningful discussion is.  What a small glimpse of what Heaven will be like.   

   Thank you God for these ladies, these mentors, these friends.  And for the perfect locale to enjoy!

Good morning,  Its very foggy outside this morning.  Its our Saturday today as Rob works weekends.  Soooo lots to do and not enough time to do it in.  We have to go to H&R block to redo this years taxes....when our kids were legally adopted, their ss numbers weren't changed, so the government said we didn't have them as dependants.  Soooo we were shorted quite a bit of money on our tax return.  We have the right ss numbers now, so now we have to reapply. (GROWL) but at least we didn't make a grose error on our taxes or something

When the money comes in along with the $600 the government promises us...we're gonna pull out the floor in our dungeon (the lean-to at the back of the house) and put a cement floor in.  And begin upgrading so our house can move up from 2 bedrooms to 4.  We are cramped upstairs!

I'm gonna go get tickets to Annie so I can take Rob & leave kids with baby sitter I'd like to enjoy it this time instead of having two hot and tired toddlers banging on me

I read Proverbs this morning.  And three times it pointed out that A wise man enjoys correction and learns from it.  I so HATE it when somebody points out that I'm wrong.  This verse is extremely convicting....thinking, thinking thinking...

How do you handle correction?  I usually listen to it...growl & argue at the present second.  Contemplate it for a bit...and then think their right and attempt to change.

I think Kaylin is cutting a molar.  Which explains her very very bad mood Saturday.  At least I have a reason now.  I hate it when you can't figure out whats wrong!

Father God, as I go throughout this day allow me to think before speaking rather then reacting speech.  Allow me to speak up when I want to do something rather then let Rob think I'm satisfied with the status quo...and then resenting the status quo later.  He hates it so much when I do that.  Allow our errands to go smoothly, and for us to get everything that needs to be done quickly and effeciently.  Help us to find some fun stuff to do in the midst of the many boring errands. 

Give me a extra measure of stregnth and patience I feel so hot tempered today..and its only 7:30 in the morning.  I love you.

Tonia

My last entry for Saturday night.  I think everybody's joint pmsing online today. (lol) 

I talked to Daylesmilk...she was grumping...I talked to my NewZealand buddy she was grumping...I talked to a Canadian buddy she was grumping.

My 2 favorite sites both have flame fests happening.  I think I've decided that PMS should be outlawed.  And I know now why women do not rule the world.  Because for 1 week out of the month the world would be in chaos   Said tongue in cheek to all those raving feminists

Soooooooo it will be a new day tomorrow with no flaws in it.  And no one mad at anyone.  God allows a new start every single day.  What an incredible gift!

Breathing Deeply and desperately enjoying nap time.  And thanking God for allowing me to be patient with my kids when I was so desperate for space.